Love. Freud, for once, got it right. It’s a cornerstone of our humanity; only love protects us enough to grow and change. And increasingly, it’s the lone element absent from our otherwise fortunate lives. Living in a society that satisfies material wants we didn’t even know we had throws into glaringly high relief our need to find acceptance and meaning through deep human contact.
Love remains something we all long for, at least on the receiving end, but that we also seem to have so much trouble finding, or recognizing—or holding onto. And sometimes, letting go of.
Love’s coming, or sad going, is not only the biggest drama of our private lives; it’s on center stage of our public ones too. It is, for example, a guaranteed political flash point: Exactly whose love is entitled to receive civic or religious recognition? And who picks up the pieces when it ends?
Still, anyone who has come within waltzing distance of it, read Jane Austen or Danielle Steele, or listened to Frank Sinatra or Celine Dion, knows there’s no elixir like love.
Admit it. You want this.
I have trust issues. I don’t want to get hurt.
Trust, the act of placing confidence in someone or something else—is a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without it, fear rules. Trust is not an either/or proposition, but a matter of degree, and certain life experiences can impact a person’s ability to trust others.
Often, issues with trust arise based on experiences and interactions in the early phases of life, primarily childhood. A person who did not receive adequate nurturing, affection, and acceptance or who was abused, violated, or mistreated as a child will often find difficulty in establishing trust as an adult. Certain experiences in life have the ability to shape your personality, for better or worse. A former best friend may change the way you make friends, a cheating ex may change the way you enter into a relationship, and the way you behave when in it. Blame daddy issues, blame loser ex from college: some people have what are categorized as overarching “trust issues.” We could argue that anyone who doesn’t want to be hurt has a degree of trust issues. Almost everyone who’s experienced a wounded heart has trust issues. You’re never quite sure who to believe and you doubt everyone’s motives, from your mom’s to your doctor’s. Unfortunately, these issues can contaminate every area of life.
Guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one-night stand
But I still need love ’cause I’m just a man
These nights never seem to go to plan
I don’t want you to leave, will you hold my hand?
Oh, won’t you stay with me?
‘Cause you’re all I need
This ain’t love, it’s clear to see
But darling, stay with me
Why am I so emotional?
No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt
One-night stand. Hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again. Those who do this are not suppose to exchange any personal info so they can’t track down and stalk each other later. Sounds inhumane. I always think one-night stand is not something favorable, as I could not quite understand why modern society invented this dating(?) concept.
“You think you know her story. You’ve read the Brothers Grimm, you’ve watched the Disney cartoons, you cheered as these virtuous women lived happily ever after. But the lives of real princesses couldn’t be more different. Sure, many were graceful and benevolent leaders—but just as many were ruthless in their quest for power, and all of them had skeletons rattling in their royal closets. Princess Stephanie von Hohenlohe was a Nazi spy. Empress Elizabeth of the Austro-Hungarian empire slept wearing a mask of raw veal. Princess Olga of Kiev murdered thousands of men, and Princess Rani Lakshmibai waged war on the battlefield, charging into combat with her toddler son strapped to her back. Princesses Behaving Badly offers minibiographies of all these princesses and dozens more. It’s a fascinating read for history buffs, feminists, and anyone seeking a different kind of bedtime story.”
Princesses Behaving Badly is a compilations of mini biographies of real-life princesses. The author, Linda McRobbie tells us the real side of the fairy tale myth where princess live happily ever after. If you’ve read the actual Brothers Grimm fairy tales, a lot of them are dark and gruesome-far from the happily ever after. These selected princesses the author uses are not the conventional, dutiful, and by the book good princesses but rather princesses that have stepped out of their conventions and rules of society and caused a great scandal to the shock of the people of their time. They made choices that prevented them having a happy life.
Who didn’t confuse love and lust when puberty strikes?
I could easily tell others about their current state in terms of lust and love most of the time, albeit I still find myself confuse the two when they come to me in this almost-late twenties. Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones, it’s nature’s way of bringing the opposite sexes together to mate. In fact, without lust, it’s doubtful that love between a man and a woman would have a chance to prosper at all.
Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy; it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Love is the most ennobling of human emotions; transcendental, exalted and capable of engendering emotional states that can make human beings want “to be a better person.”
I got a WhatsApp message this morning that says, “Hi pretty. Piye kabare?”
Can’t help but knitted my brows together reading it. Not because of the English-Javanese combination the person used in the message, but because of the “pretty” word. It was the first time somebody ever addressed me with a word I rarely use. I use “beautiful” often, because I always think that “beautiful” is more highly appreciating than “pretty.” I asked someone later, a man, about this. He said he uses “pretty” to women who are only physically attractive, and he uses “beautiful” to women who are both physically and intellectually attractive. In other words, you have to be pretty to be beautiful, but you can’t be beautiful if you are just pretty.
That message and the answer did spark my curiosity, so I started playing with Merriam-Webster, Urban Dictionary, and anything I can find on the internet. Here’s some of them:
Ever realized his irrevocable, unrequited love for Lily Potter? Me neither.
I’d like to admit that I am too dumb in dating and romance shits, or anything that involves feeling. So when it comes to myself, I’d read a lot of how-to and Dating/Romance 101. Trust me, I do that. I am an INTJ.
In romance, people with the INTJ personality type like me approach things the way they do with most situations: compose a series of calculated actions with a predicted and desirable end goal — a healthy long-term relationship. That’s what I do over and over again. Rather than falling head over heels in a whirlwind of passion and romance, I’d identify potential partners who meet a certain range of pre-determined criteria, break the dating process down into a series of measurable milestones, then proceed to execute the plan with clinical precision. Sounds cold? I know, even my parents told me so.