Making Peace with the Past

I woke up today with a visual inside my head, a flashback of happy memory that suddenly swept away with another unfavorable visual. They were all about a person I held dearly in the past, in the small space of my own.

I thought I had accepted my past as part of my journey to be who and what I am today. I was under the impression that I was okay with everything that transpired—memories, betrayal, broken promises and new beginnings.

Turns out I’ve never really been okay.

Still can be applied today, too. Especially after a bad breakup or divorce.

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Single Player

Hi, how have you been?
It’s been a long time since I wrote something here, ain’t I?

Somehow I feel like this is sort of an obligatory post about single Indonesian female in late 20’s, but at the same time, I also feel that it is sort of an anger burst for every, “When will you get hitched?” question.

Sexy legs in black leather pants and red high heel shoes
No, these are not mine. But they do catch your attention, don’t they?

Somewhere during my late teens, I wanted to get married at 21. The age where almost every girl is probably dreaming about a beautiful wedding, married to the truly loved one. Then it’s gone–in a blink of an eye.

When I was 25 or 26, my Facebook newsfeed was full of wedding reception photos of my friends. Every time those posts popped out, for a second or two, all I did was staring at those photos with confusion, “Are they going to go parade somewhere?” Then right away, the consciousness kicked in and I realized that they INDEED are married.

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I’m a Yellow

I am Indonesian, Javanese, as both my parents are. People I know told me that I have typical Javanese face: medium-sized eyes, high cheekbones, and slightly prominent jawline–the common facial features among Javanese. Sounds pretty? Not really, I always think I’ve got a wide face. My face was once looked like a donut with high cheekbones, slightly prominent jawline, and chubby cheeks. The bones came into its perfect shape years later, and the cheeks…well, nothing changed.

High cheekbones refers to the zygomatic bones in the face of primates, which in certain individuals may be more pronounced than others, causing the upper part of the cheeks to jut out and form a line cut into the sides of the face. High cheekbones, forming a symmetrical face shape, are very common in fashion models and are considered a beauty trait. No, I’m not trying to say that I’m beautiful.

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Not the Only One

“Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.” ― Suzanne Finnamore, Split: A Memoir of Divorce

I know men and women who have been messing around with other. Some of them have gone through all of this for a quick thrill or a furtive moment of romance. Sometimes they don’t even remember making the decision that tore apart their life. Sometimes they don’t even know they are being unfaithful. Did it ever happen to me? You guess.

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Sexual Compatibility


Oh I love it when our body tangled together.

Some people use sex to connect, others use it for a release, and others use it to fill a void. I know some people who find that sex is not all that important to them, or at least is not one of their top priorities. The truth is, good sex is very important in maintaining a healthy, happy relationship. If you have ever experienced being with someone where there was either no chemistry or where your energy did not match your partner’s, or where your partner was just not a very skilled lover, then you know what I mean.

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About Love and Compatibility

Love. Freud, for once, got it right. It’s a cornerstone of our humanity; only love protects us enough to grow and change. And increasingly, it’s the lone element absent from our otherwise fortunate lives. Living in a society that satisfies material wants we didn’t even know we had throws into glaringly high relief our need to find acceptance and meaning through deep human contact.

Love remains something we all long for, at least on the receiving end, but that we also seem to have so much trouble finding, or recognizing—or holding onto. And sometimes, letting go of.

Love’s coming, or sad going, is not only the biggest drama of our private lives; it’s on center stage of our public ones too. It is, for example, a guaranteed political flash point: Exactly whose love is entitled to receive civic or religious recognition? And who picks up the pieces when it ends?

Still, anyone who has come within waltzing distance of it, read Jane Austen or Danielle Steel, or listened to Frank Sinatra or Celine Dion, knows there’s no elixir like love.

Admit it. You want this.

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Trust no one. Should we?

I have trust issues. I don’t want to get hurt.

Trust, the act of placing confidence in someone or something else—is a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without it, fear rules. Trust is not an either/or proposition, but a matter of degree, and certain life experiences can impact a person’s ability to trust others.

Often, issues with trust arise based on experiences and interactions in the early phases of life, primarily childhood. A person who did not receive adequate nurturing, affection, and acceptance or who was abused, violated, or mistreated as a child will often find difficulty in establishing trust as an adult. Certain experiences in life have the ability to shape your personality, for better or worse. A former best friend may change the way you make friends, a cheating ex may change the way you enter into a relationship, and the way you behave when in it. Blame daddy issues, blame loser ex from college: some people have what are categorized as overarching “trust issues.” We could argue that anyone who doesn’t want to be hurt has a degree of trust issues. Almost everyone who’s experienced a wounded heart has trust issues.  You’re never quite sure who to believe and you doubt everyone’s motives, from your mom’s to your doctor’s. Unfortunately, these issues can contaminate every area of life.

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