A Girl You Should Date

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

— Rosemarie Urquico —

859 thoughts on “A Girl You Should Date

      • So I’m going to take the charitable route here and assume that you just didn’t realize that the comment was written in Bahasa Indonesia, rather than the less charitable route that you did know and chose to mock it anyway.

      • That is a quote from something but I can’t remember off the top of my head what. My first impression is from the Day the Earth Stood Still since IIRC, the main character’s name is Clatu or something like that. I know I’ve read or heard that line somewhere before though…

      • Naa, mate…. It’s from the “Necronomicon” in the “Evil Dead” series, which includes “Army of Darkness.” If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. It’s quite a hilarious B-movie.

      • It’s Klaatu Barada Nicto, from “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and was the command code to cancel Earth’s destruction. Sure, the Raimi brothers used it in “Army of Darkness” but that was an homage, not the origin.

        This promotion of reading and girls who read is outstanding. It’s an exquisite endorsement of reading. Huzzah and Eugepae!

      • “Her Name Was Not Starla”

        It is a very common style, but after reading the ‘dont’ version it does seem like a direct response. I would say it’s even more like a counterpoint. Using the same style and theme with a different perspective, voice, and flow is far from your ‘unseemly borrowing of ideas’. Many authors go back and forth in the same manner. By your reasoning a lot of poetry is ‘borrowed’ in that same negative light. Heaven forbid a piece of writing inspire us and cause us to write something in reply!


      • @Her Name Was Not Starla
        I think it’s the other way around. It seems like that poem is a response to this one, right?

    • Look I like this for the most part, but I have to disagree with the part that excuses lying and letting people down. I love to read and I still feel that honesty is crucial to a good relationship. I also will not excuse a man for intentionally letting me down just because I read. That part made me a bit angry. I also love to shop, but I’m passionate about reading too. I just think this article was a bit presumptuous. It made some valid points, but not all girls who shop are airheads who’ve never picked up Dickens or Heinlein.

      • Yes, I agree with Erin too. A girl who reads knows better than anyone else the difference between fiction and reality as she crosses the border so often.

      • Totally agree.Lying is a bit too far.Sort of point of no return.So is letting down.I shop like crazy,but reading books sure is my fave past time hobby.

      • The males to whom this article applies should ignore the women who disagree with the lying and failing. The author got it right. Women don’t know what they want, and it is not a good idea to follow their advice, despite how logical it may seem to a man. I don’t blame them, though, because they’re women.

      • I think the point of failing and lying part is not that reading girls want it to happen to them, but that when it does (as everyone always makes mistakes, lies or fails SOMETIMES) then reading girls are better able to deal with it because they understand that all people sometimes fail, and they don’t have unrealistic expectations.
        Not necessarily saying I agree with such a statement, but that’s how I interpreted the author’s meaning.

      • @Her Name Was Not Starla and @Michele: This response is a little late, but I’m going to post anyway. The Thought Catalog piece is actually TWO pages. And in the “next page” will blow your mind. I remember reading it sometime last year and it’s one of my favourite pieces. So this post and the TC one are in fact not countering each other. Cheers.

      • I think the point of failing and lying part is not that reading girls want it to happen to them, but that when it does (as everyone always makes mistakes, lies or fails SOMETIMES) then reading girls are better able to deal with it because they understand that all people sometimes fail, and they don’t have unrealistic expectations.
        Not necessarily saying I agree with such a statement, but that’s how I interpreted the author’s meaning.

    • ponti or misshep would you mind providing an english translation? google translate thought it was polish…I corrected the language it but It still only got half the words. My bahasa indo is quite limited. google came up with…
      so yes. between seneng, sad, ngenes, proud, apapunlah was mixed into one.

  1. I and my friends ended up studying the great ideas found on your web page while suddenly got a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those strategies. Most of the young boys are already certainly thrilled to read through all of them and already have clearly been enjoying these things. Many thanks for being indeed helpful and for selecting this form of awesome topics most people are really desperate to know about. My honest apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

      • The girl who reads will tell you that it’s ‘The girl who reads will tell you that it’s “My friends and I”, not “I and my friends”‘, not ‘The girl who reads, will tell you that its “My friends and I”, not “I and my friends”‘. :p

      • The girl who reads will be aware that English grammar is nothing more than consensus among those of a certain social group and that almost everyone who speaks English in fact says “I and my friends” and “my friends and me” far more often than “my friends and I” which is just something taught in grammar books written by people who have self-determined that they know the way the language should be and don’t care how it is.

      • No, pacatrue, I’m pretty sure that a girl who reads would respect English grammar . When you’re constantly immersed in the classics, you tend to have a certain level of respect for tradition.

      • I have enough respect for the English language to know that it can be played with and comes out all the better for it in the end.

      • Yo spambot / Arvind:

        That’s not actually true, is it? ‘I and my friends’ may be awkward compared to ‘My friends and I,’ but it wouldn’t garner a red pen rebuke from even the most fastidious English grammar teacher, in my view.

    • I imagine that that would be more the case if all she read was romance books. How is the average guy supposed to measure up to some impossibly wonderful hero who is also pictured as Fabio on the cover when’s stuck with a 9-5 guy that just makes ends meet?

      • The average guy measures up to the heroes in the books the same way he does to other real-life guys. Treat her every day like she is a queen, do nice things for her that you don’t really have to, surprise her, cook for her, do some laundry, vacuum….just make her feel special and you always will be the hero.

      • A real reader does not read trashy romance books. They read well written literature and the hero could be a lion (Aslan), a group of children, or any protagonist, as long as the reader’s hero is her savior.

      • We still love them just the same if we already really loved them. A ‘girl who reads’ sees beneath the job and the exterior. She sees the honest boy who always tries. She sees the boy who ‘may not always get it right’, as the boy who always actually really does get it right. The ‘girl who reads’ knows he loves her even when he outwardly fails to show it. She notices the boy she loves smiling at her and feels proud to have a boy that cares so much for her. A girl who reads wants just as much to be his hero as he is hers. Like a book, she wants to know more about him and what makes him tick. But a ‘girl who reads’ may also not let him do that to himself (keep a 9 to 5) if she knows he wants more. Not because her books say boys should be heroes, but because she knows it’ll make him happiest to fulfill his dreams. And she’d do so tactfully. And if it never happened, she’d still be happy to have loved an already wonderful boy. She knows that days, like pages, unfold sometimes slowly. She knows that a breath when drawn out can make all of the world’s difference. She knows what magic kisses hold and that they’re always plenty enough magic for her. A ‘girl who reads’ is re-writing your doldrums more colorfully in each minute, even in the despair. She knows that people, by far more than any book could demonstrate, are completely and amazingly complex creatures, and knows how to view all of the perspectives to it. A girl who reads knows that books may be magic, but the real world actually is much more so. Because in the ‘real world’ you feel the air breeze past on a walk, the way you feel when you speed up to jog, the carefree feeling of just dancing to dance, the way toes feel when they’re wrapped up in blankets, the way a laughing moment lingers, the sparkle in his eyes when he smiles warmly at her, and the softness when he stops to take the world in. A ‘girl who reads’ knows there’s a big world out there and that even if she doesn’t get to experience it, it’s there. And if she can, she will.

      • appreciate it when she reads romance book more than anything. You will be surprised on the things that she will do to you😉

      • Dave, I would think it is rather the same way a woman is supposed to measure up to some impossibly airbrushed model who has a team of makeup artists and a personal trainer when she’s stuck with having to manage her career and/or education with no possible way to afford a staff to maintain her physical appearance for her.

      • Well said, Ashley M! You succinctly and eloquently put into words the deeper, truer reason one would wish to date a girl who reads. Brava!

    • That’s how I interpreted it too, and I’m a woman. Who would want to date someone who is so disengaged from reality?

  2. Why isn’t this post freshly-pressed by the way? It so deserves to be🙂 All my friends are sharing it on FB as we speak!

    • Because it is a crappy “imitation” of an original piece by Charles Warnke. Geez. I can’t stand it that everyone thinks this is so amazing.

      • i wouldn’t call it an “imitation” of his work. it was more of a response to it. she completely disagreed with the way he depict women who like reading and how he depicted intelligent women. and if you’re familiar with both pieces and understood rosemarie urquico’s writing then you’d know that.

      • It’s an imitation of form. It is the female response to the male original. The original has a hard and rejecting edge. This one is soft and compassionate. The original understands the woman who reads – from the outside. This one empathises with the woman who reads. I don’t feel understood and loved reading the original. I do feel understood and loved reading this one.

      • I was wondering about that. I’m offering the charitable thought that perhaps it was inspired by Warnke, rather than practically plagiarism. If inspired, there really ought to be some kind of credit given.

  3. I would date a girl who will cry and happy at the same time when I read her a Neruda poem. Thank you for this interesting share of thoughts.

  4. This is the best blog post I have read in my life! Amazingly written and God! I wanted to paste every sentence as a comment on the shared link on Facebook. Awesome. Subscribing – now!

  5. I am a blogger.i love books.i love clothes too.i spend my money on both.i love movies too.so much that i gave up science.took up arts in college.studied films for 3 semesters.joined a fashion site.there isn’t a single day that doesn’t go by when i don’t read.and i save money for future travel plans.
    this was a bit unidimensional.there’s nothing wrong with a girl who like clothes.
    proposing over skype?really? if you love the smell of old books then you cannot really love the e-versions.i know i don’t.and by the same logic i would prefer human presence over internet interaction for something like a proposal.lie and fail her-hope not on purpose.
    Treasure the one you love even if they are not the perfect version of what you want.
    it is a cute enough post.saw this posted on my FB wall.
    girls getting typecat gets me.i just had to clear this up.shared my opinion.that’s what a blog is about.
    loved the thought of proposing during a rock concert.yes i would want my guy to bear with me if i get lost inn the world created by the author for more than 2 hours.yes i would want an extra cup of coffee when i got the book.yes i would love to give weird names to my future kids and read the childhood stories once again.again and again.

    • i feel the same way. i really wanted to like this post since i’m a girl who reads. but the more i read it, the less i liked it. it’s just one more bit of patronizing writing limiting girls. very disappointing. (from a girl who adores books as much as the people in her life, whatever form they come in, loves to dress up so sacrifices floor space over closet space, and gets james joyce’s ulysses)

      • well said zhenya and debi c…i like books too…A LOT but I like other things too. Not too much in favour of comparing different “types” of women against each other in a good vs. not so good. I did, however, love this – it’s very beautifully written – even if I didn’t agree with the content. Thanks for sharing this.

      • I had the same experience. I really wanted to like it, but I found it limiting, both due to the “she’s well read but very low maintenance” depiction and due to the limited scope of reading material. I love literature, and with two parents holding advanced degrees in English, grew up around it, but I’m equally proud of my many shelves of Aristotle, Aquinas and Kant.

        “Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.” Why does she have to say it in an effort to sound smart? Why can’t she actually be smart and persistent enough to understand James Joyce?

      • I have to agree that this post seemed kind of patronizing, “Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.” <– especially that she is only saying something to sound smart? sorry but not all women are naturally too stupid to understand complex literature. I also don't like the idea of comparing women to each other and claiming that one type of girl is better than others, its the new sexism, not only do we have to fight for respect from men, but we are now all pushing and shoving our sisters into the dirt…. think about it guys (should i say girls?), how will we ever really be equal if we keep pushing people down…

      • Zhenya ,

        What does the article “limit” them to :” limiting” them to going all the way with a life of profundity, and NOT balancing a life of depth with a little superficial/ trendy conformity on the side ( the latter tendency so often whitewashed with phrases like being “multifaceted”) ?

        Wanting to have some sort of balance between deep thinking and a little trendy superficial conformity now and then, is ultimately even *worse* than wanting to only be superficial 24/7 . When it comes to intrinsic virtue , a person should either paint or get off the ladder . Middle ground is the worst ground of all !

      • Amber Headlights, I think the idea is that NOBODY (well hardly anybody) is smart enough to understand Ulysses. Observer, nerdy girls clearly outmatch the competition.:)

      • “the new sexism,” that’s hillarious. Women (and men) have always compared themselves and always will. It’s human nature. Life is fundamentally a struggle for survival, not a joyride.

      • Hi, this is to Observer….I think the Ulysses reference in the narrative was meant to convey “NO ONE can understand ‘Ulysses’ (male OR female), so if ya say you DO, then…..you’re just trying to sound intelligent!”

        (to me Ulysses….like “Atlas Shrugged” and “The Fountainhead”–are best first encountered by thoroughly reading the “Cliff Notes,” THEN going thru the actual tome….ideally, along with the Cliff Notes still along, so can cross-reference what you just encountered in the original prose!)

      • Observer,

        Comparing some women to others and saying that some have a better approach than others is called:’ telling it like it is’ . Superficial conformist yuppies, hipsters, Bridezillas, the lowlifes which defend creeps like Casey Anthony, or find rueful amusement in following the latest media gossip about her, club hopping/ Jersey Shore twits and other vapid, MTV era pop culture twits have the totally WRONG approach . Girls who instead aspire to that which is ethereal and or quaint and hence, totally *REJECT* all elements of trendiness have the totally RIGHT approach .

        The same observation could be made about males, for that matter .

    • I agree with your point about important human interactions like wedding proposals taking place via Skype, but not loving ebooks just because you love old books? Not so much. I love both. The scents and feel of the old are fab, but the ease and relative weightlessness of my nook is so, so, so addictive to a lifelong reader.

      Gone With the Wind has never been easier to get through and I can carry in my bag — at all times! — Pride and Prejudice, all Susan Elizabeth Phillips romances, and the great big doorstoppers by Stephen King. I can dip into each of them anytime I want, anywhere I am. It’s an amazing thing to a Reader to carry an entire library of choices right under your arm.

      I get what you’re saying, but you really might want to give the ebooks a try. 🙂

      • i will..it just hurts my eyes..i do a lot of reading both online and with actual books..with books it is more sootihng(i guess is the word)..having eye siight problems does that to me.

    • I agree with you. Being a typical bookworm is definitely a bit boring. I think there is nothing wrong with clothes in a girl’s closet. A man or a woman’s life should have some spice. Else it gets a bit too usual. A person’s partner should be fun to be with. Of course some men would like girls who read much but such a notion cannot be universally true. A person’s mind inclination is diversified!!

    • “Unidimensional”…. is that a word for someone who is consistent and, hence, manifests integrity INSTEAD of being some MTV era conflicted , duplictious person ?

      • Your problem with the MTV generation is most likely their kids. http://xkcd.com/973/ Also, the way you persistently use “MTV era” in conjunction with “conflicted, duplicitous,” and other such adjectives, suggests a nigh-pathological ageism that refuses to allow you to believe that anyone younger than you could possibly have any integrity or consistency. Have fun yelling at the kids to get off your lawn.

    • Why is everyone flaming debi c? Because she didn’t completely gush over the original post, she must be an insecure troll? You want us to live in a world where nobody dissents from anyone’s point of view?

      I do love women who read. But what I love more is a woman who can’t be type cast via blog.

        • I read the other blog..and in an ironic way it shares the same sentiment as this post..date a girl who reads and your life will be full and pasionate…date a girl who is illerate and you will have an empty and shallow life…..It’s really a matter of choice and preference….I read and write…and would prefer a gentlemen who reads….looks will fade but the mind will be forever engaged……and I love men with smarts that I have a intelligent conversation with….

      • My sentiments exactly. Just because she doesn’t agree with the entire blog it does not make her insecure or any of the other none sense. Personally, I don’t agree with all of it either. What’s wrong with that? It just means she has a brain and knows how to use it. Why conform and say “it’s beautiful” when she doesn’t agree completely. She should say she loves it simply because everyone else does? That is absurd.

  6. Being a girl who writes, I absolutely adore this. Unfortunately, most guys I know think books are only good as doorstops or paperweights. Guess that’s why I’m still single.😉

    • No, that could be why they’re still single. You’re likely still single by choice because those of us who write are looking for guys with the same colorful, wonderful ability to experience what we see in this life, through the beauty of words or through their own unique communicative strengths.

      • AMEN to Laurel’s comment! I too, am single, and I too LOVE books. I too have struggled, and still struggle, with why I am single. But as Laurel so beautifully offered–maybe that is the gift in and of itself.

        I love the idea that we are discerning rather than ignored.

      • I read AND write. I’m not single. And my partner is not as keen as I am to literature. He’s the kind of the engineer that likes to read, but not being able to find any spare time, he keeps losing practice and interest.
        Anyway, he has his very own ways of communicating, and I actually love the way he does. And I love HIM, of course. One of the best things in him is that he actually understands my passion for books, so he keeps giving me more and more books in any occasion, and lets me be, the same way I let him be. I am so looking forward to having children, and yes, they’ll have weird names, or at least, ancient, out of fashion names.

        I don’t know why I just wrote all that, the thing is, I agree with you, specially in the “their own unique communicative strengths”🙂

    • Funny how people think of romance as always involving two when the romance of solitude is much more delicious and intense. (Tom Robbins)

    • Debbi C ,

      If you support the opinion that there should be some sort of balance between reading great books and the contrary goal of following trendy/ conformist, popular fashions , then, please realize that is a totally wrong opinion and an opinion which should NEVER be respected .

      IF that is what the opinion you are expressing is then , realize that such an opinion is NOT you , instead it is just some mess you got involved in . Renounce that opinion and fess up to the insight that highfallutin idealism can do NO wrong and should never be balanced …not even to a small degree with the crassly realistic .

      Contrary to popular opinion, there are NOT two or more sides to every issue .

      Contrary to popular opinion, so called shades of gray are NO substitute for accuracy and Truth .

      Integrity demands a purist approach . Integrity demands a single-minded, one sided consistency .

      • I do NOT agree with you because I LIKE this post & therefore that means it is TRUE, & anyone who disagrees is WRONG. Because if someone can have a different opinion to me, that means there is a CHANCE my opinion might be the wrong one, as I CANNOT grasp the concept of PERSPECTIVE.

        Seriously though…

        “please realize that is a totally wrong opinion and an opinion which should NEVER be respected .”

        Shut the fuck up.

        “Contrary to popular opinion, so called shades of gray are NO substitute for accuracy and Truth .

        Integrity demands a purist approach . Integrity demands a single-minded, one sided consistency .”

        Don’t worry, when you grow up & live in the real world a little, you’ll find that things just don’t work like that, with one simple answer to everything & no room for doubt, & you’ll find out what ‘integrity’ actually means.(hint: you seem to be mistaking it with bullheadedness).

  7. I got teary-eyed reading this! Love it. The prose is very well done and completely suits the subject matter. And I agree with what was said before – the last line makes it! Of COURSE I shared it on my page. I might reshare it again just to make sure people see it. And then I emailed the link to all the women in my family!

  8. What a poorly written post. You would think this day and age people can love to read and love to buy clothes. How about just going ahead and “dating” the girl you love. How one sided of a post what if the girl who reads doesn’t want to date the asshole who is only dating her because she spends money on books and not any other thing he/she deems “materialistic”

    • What a very closed mind. I am certain this post was meant to be a little one sided because it was written about girls who READ! There are very few left. It describes beautifully what kind of girl this is. If you are a boy/man who appreciates these kind of girls/women, you would not be saying how poorly this is written. Instead, you would have a lovely feeling in your heart, a knowing smile on your face and be running to your nearest bookstore!! Books are becoming something of the past. With internet, Ipads and other ways to read your favorites stories, people are going with the electronics. It is unfortunate that millions of years ago, when I used to be one of those girls in that post, I read a book called Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury. You should look it up. How would you feel if reading were outlawed? Reading is a good thing. My daughter was sleeping with BOOKS instead of dolls when she was little. I think I succeeded in one thing in life. My daughter! Take care and may you have

      • Each to their own! Some guys date girls because they spend money on clothes, make-up, accessories etc. Some guys date girls because they are pretty. Some guys date girls because they are smart. Guys date girls that share similar interests. Love is not one sided, but two, his and hers. Does that make his opinion less important, or hers? Does it make it less one sided when people date because they look pretty, or could advance one’s career? This article was crying out to me and my partner. We both love books. Nothing better than the imagination that comes from creating an image in ones own mind based on printed words upon a page. Sharing something that is 1500 years old (was a handwritten book, not mass produced). I feel that this article must intimate you for you to write such a comment. May I make a suggestion, find the nearest bookstore and find yourself a good book, then you will understand the true meaning behind this article.

      • IDK I felt the same way. I love to read. I have 14 full bookcases in my apartment. I also love clothes and fashion and spend a lot of money on both.

        The way to my heart is NOT to interrupt me while reading and ask me a bunch of questions designed to find out if my reading tastes are as cool, “intellectual” and hipster as yours are. I generally find men who interrupt women even after they have been glared at to be entitled douchebags who think that their wishes at any given moment are more important than mine. I don’t ever want to be naked with someone like that.

        If I’m interested in meeting people eventually I’ll put the book down. Otherwise leave me alone, especially if you’re going to sneer at me because of my Angelic Pretty bag, impractical shoes and Betsey Johnson sweater, or look down on me because I like Twilight AND Salman Rushdie.

    • This post is for guys who love girls who read. If this post doesn’t sing to your heart then pass it up. A girl like that would probably bore you anyway.

      • This post is for guys who think interrupting women while they’re enjoying a book to quiz them about their tastes is a good way to get a date and then want to create drama in their relationships to see if the girl believes in happy endings.

        In other words, entitled douchebags who are never getting within a light-year of my vagina, and not just because they’ll flee from my Angelic Pretty bag, impractical shoes, and shelves that contain Twilight, Salman Rushdie, Banana Yoshimoto, Sailor Moon, Anne Perry mysteries, Victorian porn, Genji Monogatari, and Japanese girls’ comics, but are remarkably free of Murakami, Joyce, Roth and other authors that tend to appeal to this set due to either absurd lack of plot or bizarrely sexist portrayals of female characters.

      • Miss YaelTifaret ,

        Are you majoring in postmodern duplicity at some special college founded by Alanis Morisette or some other chic, trendy postmodernist ?

      • NOT “to each their own”, Pek .

        Being trendy is completely , totally wrong .

        Girls who read deep books ought to do so .

        Any man who prefers shallow minded , trendy, “in style” women to women who are deep is worse than stupid .

  9. For me, the sentiment behind this post is that it is important to value women for our minds rather that just our looks or bodies. This post speaks to women and men to find someone who challenges them intellectually, who is interested in literature and writing, and who is proud of who she is. She doesn’t have to be all glammed out in the latest fashions because she’s interesting beyond her looks. She could be- whether you like clothes or not isn’t the point. I like clothes and also I like to read. It seems the spending money on books rather than clothes is a metaphor. As women, we are often given the message that the only thing we are good for is for sex and whether we are good for that is based on our looks.
    Date a girl who reads and writes because she is more likely to have good self esteem, not tolerate anyone putting her down, not be afraid of her own creativity and ideas, and be interesting and interested in something else besides a man.

    • You have summed this up perfectly. Thank you for your positive post and reading between the lines. ❤

    • Oh, finally someone who commented properly. So many people seemed to be either for or against or in between but yet still not really realising the essence of the post. The blog was a personal opinion. A lot of girls who like books like fashion these days because they both fall under artistic expression. Nothing is wrong with that, the author is just looking at the kind of all-rounded person you could find in a woman that loves to read compared to a shallow socialite who the most reading they probably do is from fishing out the right size when they’re shopping for the tenth time for the day. In other words people, not just girls, who love the written word, have more depth in their personality than someone who couldn’t care less about books.

      • As a man, a reader, and a writer, I appreciated this post. In fact I shared it with the love of my life who is a reader. I also appreciated Lisa’s thoughtful, and generous, reading. It cleared the taste of the too-quick-to-judge responses I’d read before hers.

      • “All rounded person”—fancy euphemism for being duplicitious .

        Comformist trendy fashionista garbage is NOT compatible with the erudite life of arts and letters . Don’t kid yourself into thinking otherwise .

    • Yeah, but the girl who reads will apparently tolerate (perhaps even enjoy) being told lies and failed. No thanks!

    • That was close to my take on it. The exact details aren’t the story. It does go into a little fantasy, particularly when it comes to the idea of letting her down just because she knows that comes before the climax. That’s a bit immature. Also, people who spend too much time in books and not enough time practicing at life are not always the best communicators. A deserving gentleman would be better off finding a girl who reads, but does lots of other stuff too. I personally have never liked to read in public for the very reason of not wanting a guy to come interrupt me. But how else are they to find readers if that’s what they are seeking? I sympathize. I am dating, and likely to marry, a guy who is not much of a reader, even though I am. The other day his mom said, “wouldn’t it be funny if your kid was a reader?” She knows we met each other playing sports, and I guess she thinks that’s all there is to me. When I have dated guys who were big readers in the past, a lot of times what they really wanted from me is someone who would be able to recognize their brilliance. Well don’t well all want that? Sure, but you have to also be able to see past your fantasy to the girl right in front of you. I used to want a guy who reads, but these days above that I want a guy who can build a tree house, a guy who will put on the snow chains, a guy who will cook from a recipe, a guy who will hold my hand at my friend’s funeral even though it takes place during some important sporting event…. You never know who will capture your heart, but I applaud the author for sharing his imagination. Or maybe this is a tribute to someone he already loves.

    • I believe you have identified the crux of the article. I found some of the “stereotypes” the author used somewhat offputting, but you are precisely right to say that they were not the point. And, while I took issue with those things, the post was BRILLIANTLY written and stirred up discussion, which (as blog posts go) is EXACTLY what you want.

  10. “Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.”

    F that, dude, I studied English literature in college with a focus on modernists, especially Joyce. I actually do understand Ulysses. A lot of people – including many women – do. It’s not Finnegan’s Wake. I like most of this post, but this sentence comes off as really condescending, even if you meant it like Ulysses is impossible to understand. (It’s not! Try it sometime, but you really do need to read Dubliners and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man first.)

    • Thank you! And good on you for having studied Joyce; no easy feat! Having also studied Joyce, I found this line to be condescending and overly presumptuous. Agreed re: the suggestion of reading Dubliners and Portrait of a Young Man first, and yes, Ulysses is nowhere near as bad as Finnegan’s Wake😉

    • And yet having studied so much fine literature and analyzed its every context, subtlety and subtext, you were still unable to detect simple humorous satire in an internet blog.🙂

    • Yes. we were just about to fall in love with the post till we saw this – Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.

      Maybe it is an error. Maybe the author meant to add a ‘not’ between she’s and just?

      • How do you know she is “just saying that to sound intelligent” ?

        Are you always given to making loose inferences ?

      • Jas – are you always given to belligerence and animosity on the Internet, especially toward people who, upon closer reading, actually agree with you? Grow up.

    • If you’re going to try to write a response touting your own intelligence, I would highly recommend against beginning it with the phrase ‘F that, dude.’

    • I think you are taking it a bit to literal – I think that was the authors didn’t-quite-get-it book. But you could substitute your own. Make a change for Beowulf, War and Peace, The Gulag Archipelago and of course Finnegan’s Wake.

      And I don’t think 10 people in this world can fully digest Naked Lunch. Each one of has an author that while might be impressive to some or most, isn’t easily understood by us.

  11. As a lifelong reader, I was amused and smiled often while reading your blog. Books can bring adventure and wonder to our lives. As an official AARP card holder, I’m still reading, only now on my Kindle.

  12. I’d love to date a girl who reads. Do you know where I can FIND one? All of the “readers” around here seem only interested in Twilight.

    • Forgive me for suggesting the obvious–have you tried a bookstore, the library, the English department at your local college, or the [insert local language/literature] department of the nearest college (if you’re not in an English-speaking country). There’s also always the local optometrist’s office–we reader-girls can really do a number on our eye-sight, especially if reading is a love that developed in childhood, in bed with a flashlight.
      I mostly liked it, except the James Joyce condescension that others mentioned, the Skype proposal, and the non-dairy creamer (unless the author is lactose intolerant, then my apologies and sympathies).
      Yes, a reader and a writer can make for a nicely complementary couple.

    • Lmao… I’m with Eric on this one.. the rest of the posts both positive and critique are awesome… but sometimes what you read in the writing is not what is written…😉

    • hahaha…well-said. A great post, I can’t believe so many people took it so literally without savouring the heartbreaking insight into the soul of someone who lives to read (and write!). Get a soul, haters.

    • You could try asking them what else they read.

      I read Twilight and liked it. I also own all Salman Rushdie’s novels and like them. Twilight is very popular and the fact that someone has enjoyed it maybe shouldn’t be taken as a sign that they’re stupid.

      There is a place in life for difficult, engaging books that make you think. There is also a place in life for the book you read on the beach, or the book you can read on the bus without getting so lost that you miss your stop or get pickpocketed.

      • Thank you, yaeltiferet! I read “serious” books for a living and don’t think it’s a crime to spend time with and even like Twilight. Honestly, all the bashing (like the cheap shot in this otherwise wonderful post) makes me feel defensive of them.

      • I like to read all kinds of books. I think most people have “dirty little reading secrets”, (mine is True Crime), that we would rather not admit to.

        I loved the post. At one time or another, most people in my life have complained about my voracious reading. And my partner always marvels at the fact that I talk about the characters in my books as if they are real (that’s because to me they are).

        Posted it on FB as part vindication to show my friends that there are others like me😛

  13. That was a fantastic article! Obviously, I’m a girl who reads. The power of words have only been silenced in the arms of my husband. Otherwise, they are the highest expression of my love and my passion. Thank you for words I’ll hold quite dear in the days to come!

    • I LOVE used books. Love the feel of them! I love that they have been loved enough by others to bear the marks of having been handled before. What I love most of all, however, is marginalia. It’s like climbing into a previous reader’s head and experiencing the novel through different eyes. That enriches a reading experience in a way that no new book could ever duplicate.

  14. I am beginning to date again and I know the men who are readers when I watch a movie with them. They understand when I don’t know the names of the actors because I am more concerned about the characters. The don’t ask questions or make odd comments because they understand suspension of disbelief. They walk out of the movie and shake their heads “yes” when I tell them the book was better, more full of detail, more compelling full of emotion and the characters more beautiful than the screen could portray. Then we go to the bookstore afterward for coffee. I need more men like that.

  15. Love it! I recognise my self so much in your text. I’m one of those girls who constantly have an unread book in my bag, smell the pages of old books and spend more money on books then anything else.

  16. The dreamer-girls. The ones who love words as if they were chocolate, butterflies, diamonds. They see things differently from the rest of the world. A man who can crawl into that world, and keep up with her flights of fancy…Well, I think he’d be grateful forever.

    • i think she’d be grateful too. because that world that she lives in, ever so slightly different than anyone else, that world is also lonely. and it’s nice to share things.

      • So true. I often say that I like to go into my own little world because they know me there, but it would be nice to open it up to someone else, too.

        lainie2011 and creatatrixa, I thought the original post understood me, but your posts seem to resonate with me a little more. Thanks.🙂

  17. Hah. Some part of me wants to shove this into some guys’ faces and shout, “TAKE A HINT!” although at the same time I’d like them to figure it out for themselves.

  18. This made me smile, and laugh, and sigh, all at the same time. It speaks so much to my soul! Thank you for a wonderful read, full of truth, humour and nostalgia! I found this on Facebook, linked through a friend. I will be perusing your blog for some more great reads!

  19. This one came at me several different ways through social media. A pleasure to read, and a reminder of why I married an English major..what..gosh…twenty years ago, now.

    I shared it with our boys, of course.

  20. This is really great!

    Could I reblog this? I couldn’t help but smile throughout the whole thing, and laugh out loud at the Twilight jab (I despise that series too). It also really reminded me of a few people.

    Glad I saw this on my friends facebook🙂

    Here’s wishing you a wonderful day from Istanbul.


    • …I really cannot believe you had the nerve to type that. A woman does not have to be “hot” to be worth your time. The women who dress to draw attention to their bodies do so because they feel worthless. And they are. Women who are truly beautiful–notice I say “beautiful” and not “hot”–don’t need makeup or expensive clothes. They are beautiful because of their minds, their personalities, and their hearts. Conventional beauty is only a bonus. And a label.

    • Amen Callie. She is so right. True Beauty comes from with the heart, mind, and soul. Most women who are only beautiful on the outside are stuck up snobie bitches, and don know the difference between Shakespeare and Voltaire. If you are looking for outer beauty you dont deserve a girl who reads or write for that matter.

  21. I’m now planning on directing all those who make their yearly (and quite tiresome) holiday query into my dating life to this post, and then inquire if they know anyone who is capable of following your well defined guidelines😉

    ps: I read…and write

  22. Uh, really? A girl who reads? Like Emma Bovary? I’ve read enough to know THAT doesn’t end well. A girl who reads? Like Mathilde de la Mole? No way. Give me Louise Renal, who can love authentically because she hasn’t been corrupted by romance novels. Or give me Julie d’Etange, who when she read never read fiction, but who ultimately had no use even for philosophy because she LIVED.

    Girls who read know that the theme of a large chunk of western literature is “AVOID WOMEN WHO READ!”

      • I figured that was because he made her laugh, helped her relax and take some personal things less seriously while clearly caring about the same major issues she cared about and agreeing with her on some of her most important philosophical perspectives.

        There’s a reason their ‘moment of truth’ involved his demonstrating that he really did share her perspective on house elves.

        He’s not a voracious reader…but he loves that she is and admires her for it.

    • I am a girl who reads and I am LIVING. You may have only dealt with the ones who cant separate life from fiction, but I can tell you now that I would rather my daughter have her nose in a book then watching tv or playing video games all day. Yes they are fun and interesting but they CAN NOT take you to different world make you live someone elses’ life. Tv and game have no depth. Books do. If you dont like the girls you have been with there must be something wrong with you not them

    • Romance novels aren’t literature. They’re pornography in print. Find a woman who reads literature.

      • It doesn’t sound like you’ve read many romance novels (and you’re probably proud of that). Most of them are too afraid to even approach sexuality in a realistic way. They’d probably be more interesting at least if they were “pornographic”. As it happens, many romance novels are insufferable for many reasons, but graphic sex isn’t one of them. Maybe you’re thinking of the “erotica” genre, which is different from romance.

        Personally, I think a guy will be more happy with a woman who isn’t on her high-horse about what she reads, and tries to find something to love in everything the world offers, romance, “literature”, historical fiction and non-fiction, short stories, the occasional light beach book, etc.

    • JJR ,

      It depends on what you mean by “romance novels”. IF you are referring to the cretinous tripe of the Harlequin Romance series or any of the stuff that has guys who look like Fabio and women who look like glossy extras that flunked out of auditions for Cypress Gardens , THEN you would have a salient point .

      If in contrast you are referring to an edifying, profound romance (like Jane Eyre) then you are quite wrong .

      The comment “but who had no use even for philosophy because she lived” , aside from having a grotesque false sort of dichotomy , is a pattern of thought too insipid and infinitely trite for me to find the words half vitriolic enough to denounce it properly.


      I am a guy and I can tell you that I prefer a girl who indeed is on a “high horse” about what she reads and does NOT sellout to mediocrity which is to say does *NOT* “find something to love in everything the world offers “.

      Hurray to the highfallutin/ idealistic girls with discriminating taste, who do *NOT* find something to love in all that the world offers .

  23. Beautiful! If only the guys I dated had read this at about the same time they met me, maybe they’d have appreciated me better. Now I only date guys who read.🙂

  24. Meh. Yes, but no. Date a girl, or boy, who is balanced. Reading is good. Knowing how to live and craft and relate to those around you is equally good.

    • ‘Balanced’ is but another term for mediocre , Mrs.Eaves .

      What you are recommending is (to borrow a phrase from H.L.Mencken) ‘respectible mediocrity .’

      Again, in this current day and age of unspeakably muddled thinking , it helps to state the obvious . The obvious insight which we should perennially return to is that if a quality is intrinsically virtuous , then people ought to take that quality to extremes …NOT balance it / NOT dilute it (*not* even to a slight degree) with any contrary quality .

      The ever so weird, evil doctrine of the so-called “golden mean” should be always rejected for the mediocre , duplictious tripe it is .

      Consistency and NOT balance is what people should be manifesting .

      Flexibility is the hobgoblin of small minds .

      ‘A thing moderately good is not good enough .
      Moderation in temper is always a virtue.
      Moderation in principle is always a vice’.——Quote apparently from Thomas Paine .

      Virtuous principles should always be taken to extremes .
      Intrinsic virtue should *never* be practiced in moderation .

      Extreme ethical and/or aesthetic idealism , when properly applied, can do NO wrong .

      Balance when it comes to matters that are physical only : such as diet, exercise, the use of alchohol is fine . Balance when it comes to abstract matters such as virtue is NEVER fine . Such balance is mediocrity .

  25. “Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.”

    I am in love with that part. Beautifully written….

    • That was the bad part . The article would have been very excellent, *without* the ambivalent thinking in that paragraph !

      • No, it was good because it wasn’t telling him to fail her on purpose; it was acknowledging that everyone is human and will occasionally fail their partner no matter how hard they try not to… but the girl who reads understands this and knows that even heroes can fail and yet remain heroes, regardless.

        I’m a woman who both writes and reads, by the way.

  26. Ahh smelling books :] My pride and joy is a book of poems by Alexander Pope that was printed in 1884. The book is bound with a leather cover that has flowers and golden cherubs pressed into it. The craftsmanship that went into making those books all those years ago is incredible. Almost as wonderful is the smell of this book, it smells like 128 years of history. I can only imagine the hands it passed through and the people who loved it. I can’t read it now because it’s gotten to the point where the pages have started flake off around the edges. However, it remains the favorite of my collection in my little library. :]

    • I hope you realized that that one was satire… the person was saying that dating a girl who doesn’t read is… boring. That she’s shallow.

      This post makes me think of Beauty and the Beast…

      “The whole town is talking about it! It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas… and thinking…”

      “Gaston, you are positively primeval.”

      “Why, thank you, Belle!”

      Maybe it’s that men are frequently intimidated by a woman who thinks.

      • It is NOT likely that the sort of men who do not like women who are deep thinkers are in any way intimidated. Consider instead the prospect that the sort of men who do not like deep thinking women are just lazy minded and hence vapid and /or crass .

        Conformist twits who reject the women who is a deep thinker , NOT out of fear nor insecurity , but just out of sheer mental laziness and paltriness of mind .

      • I heard of a study, at least semi-reputable, that says men respond to certain things in women, often not including intelligence. A little more than half the men surveyed gave variations, “if she sounds really intelligent, I move along.” Thankfully, only a little more than half, else we might as well let oil peak, the seas rise, and all this gloriousness come to a quick end.

  27. Thank you for this. I love reading and I enjoy the company of people who love reading. But I now live in a country where there are few bookshops, where the choice of books is limited and where prices for books are high, guaranteeing that only the best bestsellers reach here within a decade of being published. The few good books that get through are very expensive and you can get a good web-enabled phone for the price of a few of them. So people grow up without books, or the long hours of enjoyment, or the conversations, remembrances and thoughts that they bring. This something I’d like to change about Tanzania, but it’s unlikely to happen quickly. But thank you again for the post.

  28. I am a man who reads. I love my reading wife and I read to my three little daughters every night. I have tears in my eyes after reading this beautiful post. Thank you.

    • Beautifully written, but life is not narrative, life does not obey the conventions of narrative, life just is. People who expect it to are doomed to expecting rhythm and cadence and the comforting hand of an author with a plan. To expect climaxes and “endings” at dramatically appropriate moments instead of the chaotic anti-rhythm at which they actually occur and may be doomed to miss them or dismiss them as a result

      • What “life” often is , is lamentable .

        Life ought to be the way it should be , NOT the way it often is .

        Situations are NOT self-justifying : and the appeal to resignation is one of the most seductive and misleading of fallacies .

  29. It’s both funny and disappointing to me to see that so many men seem to think that reading and sexiness are on totally different ends of the spectrum. To me, finding a woman who reads is the ultimate success in both intellect, confidence, and passion.

    The men who make insipid comments about what women are willing to do in bed on here have obviously missed the whole point. There is nothing sexier to me than a man who can make me think and engages my mind. If a man is smart and thoughtful enough to be interesting to a woman who reads, I certainly think the rest will take care of itself, without any need for cheap gimmicks.

    Just my two cents…

    Thank you for this post. As one who has been teased for paying weight overage fees because of travelling with two many books on trips and always having one in a large purse, this was a real treat!

    • I’m going to stop here since this is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m surprised by the number of negative comments. This was just a fun post that made me feel appreciated both as a reader and as a writer.

  30. I really enjoyed this. Some of the comments/replies were just as fun. I AM that girl and I raised my three progeny to be readers. (2 sons, 1 daughter). I have way more books than clothes and my daughter is the one who taught me more about clothes and make-up and “girlie” things. I’ve read Ulysses, but I prefer Plato’s Republic. Still not something that would come up in casual conversation about books, reading, writing, etc on a first meeting, though(lol)! My husband claimed he wasn’t a reader when we met…he certainly is now. Family and friends will watch movies with me just because I “live in the moment” and so I help them enjoy the movie more.
    Remember, this writing gives a general (or even, if you like, a stereotyped) version of “a girl who reads”…So, lighten up and accept it in the spirit given. It is NOT gospel truth…it’s just a mostly true. Bound to be exceptions, of course…just don’t take it as a personal offense…unless you’re easily offended. In which case- GET OVER YOURSELF.
    You chose to read this, no one forced you, did they?
    Thanks for writing a lovely piece. Blessings upon your endeavors.

  31. that was so beautifully written. and a tad bit uplifting because i’m a reader and a writer. hoping your inbox is flooding with support,

  32. Yay! Love this post. As a girl who reads and writes, I knew my fiance was the one when he pulled out a 12-string guitar and recited Neruda while finger picking a lovely Spanish tune. True love!🙂

  33. ABSOLUTELY agree. Being a writer and a woman, I raised my daughter to be a reader – and she’s a scientist too, so it’s not just right-brained girls who love books!

  34. I do and she’s in a book club… actually two… and most importantly my favorite person in the world, I didn’t know why but now I do… I would add reading the internet only or a Kindle or ipad or something doesn’t count… Thanks for posting!!!

  35. Very well written and it flows smoothly. I love this actually. I’m an avid reader myself and books are amazing. They open up so many different worlds in your mind and it gets your imagination going. I tell my fiancee about every book I read and the parts I really like in them. It opens up a whole new discussion with us.

  36. This is beautiful. Beautifully written and expressed. I’ll have to share this with my husband to see what he thinks, since I’ve been a reader and a writer my whole life. I really loved this post, and every sentence was lovely. Congratulations on being very, very well-deservingly freshly pressed!

  37. Love this piece of free-style, stream of conscious writing. Noa r you a fan of Virginia Wolf ? how would you categorize this piece: memoir, essay, prose, short, short fiction…? it reminds me of a story written by Jamaica Kincaid, where she uses this declaritive form, as you did in this essay. Very effective and evocative. impressive and inspiring.

    Read my 1st entry, vignette of a journal entry…would love hear ur comments Noa.

    [PS, what is ur native tongue, see u have many posts in a 2nd language?]

    Peace. One Love.

  38. A beautiful and meaningful essay (though the idea never occurred to me until now). I won’t say anything else because you’ve said it all and I now know what I should be looking for. Thanks.

  39. Fantastic post. I’m a girl who reads and writes. I think there are a lot of us hiding out in bookstores, libraries, and cafes or maybe just at home in front of the computer reading literary blogs.

  40. Thanks for sharing. I’ve never heard of this Rosemarie Urquico, but I’ll make sure I Google her before I leave for work…

  41. A friend once said to me, “You need a boyfriend who is like a book. With a thousand pages.” Neither of us are quite sure what that means, but I like it. Years have gone by now, and I haven’t found him yet… where are the men who read, I wonder?

    And a funny coincidence… reading this while eating dinner, and looking down to find a piece of chicken shaped like a heart.

    • I love thousand-page books (when they are the kind that you never want to end). They are like a journey.

      I met and am dating a reader. He reads business books, but hey, he gets it when I admit I’m exhausted because I’ve been up all night… because I just had to finish one more page… and one more…

  42. I love this post. I’m a girl who reads and writes, and well, don’t forget, guys who read(and write) are just as awesome, this goes both ways!

  43. This felt a lot like you were stereotyping what a girl who reads is like. Besides why would you suggest someone who does not value a good story to find a girl that does? What would you have to say to someone who is blank as a empty moleskin? It is pointless.

    • This! I’m not going to be the one making life colorful for some boring dumb ass who fails me on purpose to “teach” me. I have better things to do. And any man who repetitively calls me a “girl” is going to get punched. I’m a woman. Also, you will pry my favorite novels and my miu miu shoes from my cold dead hands. I can like “literature” and fashion at the same time because–surprise!–that’s something multifaceted, intelligent, adult humans can do!

      This post is misogyny in the guise of feminism. No, just no.

      • LEAH POSTED :Also, you will pry my favorite novels and my miu miu shoes from my cold dead hands. I can like “literature” and fashion at the same time because–surprise!–that’s something multifaceted, intelligent, adult humans can do!

        RESPONSE : “Multifaceted” a fancy term that is oft used as an euphemism to whitewash duplicity / being a sellout …being two- faced .

  44. Well done and said!

    I’m the author of two non-fiction books and my husband is never happier than when I’m in the middle of writing a book — because that’s when I’m at my happiest. He’s a photographer and photo editor and loves having a wife who’s the word-girl while he’s the picture-guy. We’re both really interested in the world and how we portray it, just using different media.

    A guy who doesn’t like a girl who reads isn’t worth a minute.

  45. I do like this, but — wow — so many old-fashioned stereotypes about female readers. And while I can appreciate the women who sniff yellowed pages in used bookstores (been there myself), what about the savvy ones who also know there way around a Kindle?

  46. Amnd girls, date a guy who reads – for allthe ame reaons includign the late night crying jag at the end of Brian’s Song!

  47. Unless you’re looking to date a 14-year-old, this should really be “date a woman who reads.” I don’t enjoy being called a “girl” by men, or even by other women.

  48. And now in English!
    And girls, date a guy who reads – for all the same reaons including the late night crying jag at the end of Brian’s Song!

  49. Thank you! I love this! So wonderfully written and I am going to have to share with all my friends on FB. Thank you again! So glad you got Freshly Pressed!

  50. I agree, I would rather have a smart girlfriend than one that looks great and knows nothing, but let’s just hope there’s one out there whose smart and great looking lol, truly insightful blog post!

  51. I recall, years ago, a fellow on a train travelling from the US’s west coast to the east coast approached me as I read.
    “You look bored,” he said.
    I instantly knew he was not a reader, and this was a projection on his part–just the site of me reading triggered his own boredom.
    He never had a chance.

    Perhaps if he *had* been a reader, when he asked me where I was headed and I said, “Philadelphia”, he might not have had to respond with “Where’s that?”
    “It’s in the east,” I said.
    “Oh . . so, near Arkansas?” he said.
    “Um . . not so very near,” I replied.

    I’m sure at *that* point, I did look bored. Even a bad book would have been better company.

      • Ha ha, I was about to correct it. I had an idea recently that whenever I see that someone has made a snooty correction of another person’s spelling/grammar online, I will argue with them by interpreting the original word/structure as correct. In the case of misspellings that create an actual English word, I interpret them literally. In the case of misspellings that do not create words, I invent my own definition and etymology. In this case, I’d interpret it to mean that the area where your reading took place triggered boredom, in the same way that the site surrounding an open wound is likely to become painful and inflamed.

        That would be a dumb question to ask someone on a train reading, but at the same time, I can’t help but be interested in a stranger willing to butt in under those circumstances. I want to know how he could have failed to know that Arkansas was not near Philadelphia and where he was headed. I used to ride the greyhound to and from college and there were always crazy people.

        A guy once approached my friend in high school, hoping to threaten/embarrass him:
        “Whatcha reading?”
        “A book.”

    • Replying to your comment here, Blanche, as unfortunately it would seem that the blog cuts out at three levels of “replies” per thread.

      Thank you for pointing out the italicized name at the bottom right hand corner of the article. It did escape my attention, probably courtesy of the combination of its unique positioning on the page and my own decision to read this post during a quick break from the paper I was finishing after a very late night. (Obviously the answer here is more coffee, yes?) I’m happy to admit my own mistake, and appreciate being directed to the actual author.

      But if you, as you seem to have done in your assorted responses to this entry, really wish to promote less antagonistic arguments on blogs such as this, why start in with an insult regarding the amount that I read, and my capacity to read well “when I do”? I think that we need more well-spoken, open-minded individuals such as yourself to speak up in spaces like this (“fight the trolls” if you will) so it was somewhat disappointing for me to see you start out in that tone.

      Anyway, I’m likely making far too much noise over an internet forum discussion, particularly given that your comments are far more eloquent and gentle than most of the name-calling events that such threads usually result in, so… all the best to you. Thanks again for pointing out the actual author to those of us dealing with end-of-semester blues.

  52. Oh she’s writing about me !!! or me as I was when I was ” a girl” rather than a middle aged woman!!
    I do still buy books rather than clothes and sniff books in a second hand book shop too…..😉

    I found this a lovely sort of old fashioned post and it made me smile because it took me back to my youth so thanks for that….. To all the people who criticise it remember this is Nona’s blog and she can write whatever she wishes …

  53. I’m a little shocked at how many people don’t get the charm and intention of this post. If you’re so literal that you’re actually arguing about the Joyce bit or clothes, you’re not going to get this anyway. It’s romance of the best kind.

  54. I love this post. I am sending it to my husband, my two daughters, my daughter-in-law, my four sons, my five granddaughters, and my two grandsons. My youngest daughter will understand it, all the rest will understand me.

  55. Thank you for this🙂 As a high school student who avidly reads and writes, in a town where I swear half the population is illiterate, I have been scorned several times for my appreciation of literature. Today I declared in English class that I adored “To Kill A Mockingbird” and received the reply “Geek.” This post reminded me of why I’m proud of myself: I don’t need a man to look at my body to make me feel beautiful. I have an incredible mind and a talent that I can share with the world. With all that, what more could I ask for?

  56. This is so beautiful….thank you for making this blog. Even in this day and age people seem to think people who read are weird and that’s so sad, pathetic and a lot of time frustrating.

  57. God!! Exquisite writing…you write so well; can I date you?!🙂
    Jus kidding! Truly beautiful piece- reminded me hard of someone special….

    • It doesn’t appear that the person who posts this blog actually wrote the piece. It’s a post of someone else’s work, with the actual author’s name (perhaps a bit too small) at the bottom.

    • I do not spend money on my clothes at all – I get second hand stuff off friends or where what I have til it falls apart – if you want to put me in hell then take me shopping for the morning – I will literally start crying and panicking and looking for an escape route. A book shop however I can stay in for hours but clothes – yuck – why bother so long as they are comfortable and suit whatever the occasion is – try reading a book darling and you will see how important clothes are…

  58. “Date a girl who reads because you deserve it.”

    Every man out there should be told to read this. & every girl who reads should know that she deserves a man who can understand these things about her. This article is everything we are – explained in simple words. Amazing indeed.❤

  59. I married a girl who makes jokes in Latin. Hope that counts. No, she’s not a lawyer. She is simultaneously well-read, well-balanced, and well turned out. I am a lucky chap.

    Note to suitors: intelligent women do nonetheless hope you find them physically attractive. It is still okay to compliment her shoes, hair, dress, bum etc before proceeding to more weighty topics. File it under “appreciating her aesthetic sense” if you need more syllables. It is all part of life’s rich pageant.

  60. I absolutely love this! I’m a girl who reads – had a library card since age 12….hmmmm….much longer than that – and now I have six cards.

    I can’t imagine a world without books. Fortunately, my husband appreciates this.

    This was a beautiful and heartwarming post – thank you.

  61. So … you already have, like, a million comments on here, but I can’t help to say thank you. What a lovely piece. I sent it to my man friend. He loves books, too. Keep writing!!!

  62. I don’t believe we’ve ever met–how did you describe my personality so well? Thank you for this post. It’s delicious, right down to the last sentence. And yes, I write.

  63. I read this and laughed all the way through because i felt as though i was reading about myself. I remember cry at the end of like water for chocolate and no one couldve consoled me. I absolutely adore this post! I once spent hours in a used book store smelling the creases and cracking the spines! Unfortunately my boyfriend could never understand it, he’s into Accounts and fact and figures (ewww). to me a world without books is not a world I want to live in!

    Beautiful post!!!!!

  64. Hmm. So many people seemed to be either for or against or in between but yet still not really realising the essence of the post. The blog was a personal opinion. A lot of girls who like books like fashion these days because they both fall under artistic expression. Nothing is wrong with that, the author is just looking at the kind of all-rounded person you could find in a woman that loves to read compared to a shallow socialite who the most reading they probably do is from fishing out the right size when they’re shopping for the tenth time for the day. In other words people, not just girls, who love the written word, have more depth in their personality than someone who couldn’t care less about books. I don’t know, maybe the author meant differently but that’s what I got out of it.

  65. “A girl who has had a library card since she was twelve” — what’s up with that? If she’s a real reader she’d get her card when she enrolls in preschool storytime at age 3. Any public librarian can tell you that.

    • Some of us never had preschool storytime, we’re THAT old. (And therefore, women, not girls.) Wasn’t an option in the late 60s where I grew up. 🙂

    • Not an option when I was a kid – those of us in our 60’s had to catch a city bus, go downtown, and spend the day! No neighborhood libraries, no pre-school, no kiddie reading groups – Our parents bought us books and read them to us until we could read them ourselves, and with any luck, they succeeded in generating a love of books. When I was 16 in 1963, I spent the summer in the front yard in my first bikini and a lawn chair getting a tan as I read 3 – 5 books every week that I checked out of that library after my hour treck to get there and lugged those books home on the very same bus. And then did it again 2 weeks later to retrun them and get more. (classics, and top literature that was way beyond my years then) – Ernest Hemingway, James Joyce, Ayn Rand, Kurt Vonnegut, etc. I read still –

  66. Loved the article until I got to the snide Twilight statement. Why trash talk a new genre that you do not understand? Prolific readers are discerning people and they do not succumb to the fallacy that old genres are better than new genres.

    • Meskiammmen ,

      What you have stated is typical ….all so typical , goofy postmodernist/relativist , MTV era hogwash, tommyrot, and codswallop .

      So called “shades of gray” (which is a misnomer phrase to begin with ) are NO substitute for accuracy and Truth .

      Intentional ambiguity is evil and is the kiss of death for any relationship .

      There should NOT be any “give and take” , nor balance between idealism and tyhat which goes against idealism . Single minded idealism should be taken to extremes , never diluted for the sake of any balance , nor “give and take” .

      Idealistic thinking indeed is always right . It requires NO balance nor middle ground .

      There should NOT be any “give and take” when it comes to principles .A give and take with personal needs is fine . In contrast, a “give and take”, when it comes to priniciples is NEVER okay . Intrinsically virtuous principles should always be taken to extremes .

      In the current era of unspeakably muddled thinking, it helps to state what should have been acknowledged as obvious .

      • In a comment above, I suggested that you grow up after you told someone that there was only one truth (sorry, Truth), that integrity was all about sticking your fingers in your ears & going ‘lalalala I can’t hear you!’ & that iking clothes as we as books was just flat out wrong.

        However after scrolling down & seeing more of your comments, I am moved to retract that. I mistook you for some sort of edgy teenager who was in their ‘rebel’ stage & thinking that sneering at being fashionable made them look deep, & had no experience r perspective.

        Now I realise that I was wrong – you are just flat-out crazy.

  67. Thats funny, I thought the common wisdom was that a girl who reads may be smart, and smart girls are more difficult to lay.

    • Smart girls are more difficult to “lay” because they are SMART. A truly intelligent woman does not make irresponsible choices about something like that. And, quite frankly, if you are more concerned about a woman’s body than her mind, heart, and soul, you don’t deserve to have one in your life.

  68. Perfectly priceless. I laughed out loud and read parts to my husband. He dated a girl who reads (and writes); and after 21 years, he knows about that look when you interrupt her reading! But he wouldn’t have it any other way. Loved this.

  69. Wow. You have SO VERY MUCH described my beloved spouse. And, yes, she has also written a book. Got it published too.

  70. Hi!I just love this!!!!
    I wanted to ask you permission to use this on my own blog, Bookwormsbachillerato, which is also on WordPress…
    It’s a blog I created to promote reading among my teenage students….
    I loved this piece you wrote but I need to make it shorter for them… they are Spanish and only 16…

    Is it ok if I post the link on my blog but make a shorter version to include on the blog, with your name of course???!!!

    My address: laurichi78@hotmail.com

    Keep on with the amazing writing!!!!

  71. Sure, I can buy this post. Boys should date a girl who reads. Clearly. But men? Men should date a woman who writes.

  72. I’m going to chime in here and agree with yaeltiferet (who’s been replying upthread):
    “The way to my heart is NOT to interrupt me while reading and ask me a bunch of questions designed to find out if my reading tastes are as cool, “intellectual” and hipster as yours are. I generally find men who interrupt women even after they have been glared at to be entitled douchebags who think that their wishes at any given moment are more important than mine. I don’t ever want to be naked with someone like that.”


    Telling dudes that when a woman is giving clear “leave me alone” signals that they should keep bothering her is TERRIBLE ADVICE. On behalf of all the girls who want to be left alone to read in peace, please don’t encourage guys to bother us!!

    This post in general… it sounds kind of like “treat her like a stereotype” advice. I get the vibe you’re going for, all wistful and romantic, but it just comes off creepy. If reading is important to you and you want to date someone who also loves reading, I don’t think you need a checklist of things to do… just naturally talk about what you love. But not if she glares at you.

    And can we stop taking cheap shots at Twilight? Either ignore it or have a real discussion about its popularity. Dismissing it to show you’re ‘cool’ and ‘intellectual’ or whatever just makes you seem unoriginal and dull. Get some new material to police ‘acceptable’ expressions of femininity with!

  73. Funny this post describes me in many respects, love books, always have a book with me wherever I go, and I write too (self help).

    Cheers to the passionate readers of the world and the people who love them🙂

    Live Your Dreams,

    Jill Koenig
    America’s Top Goals Coach

  74. Berea contains an above average number of beautiful, strong and intelligent women. To me it is wonderful to socialize with women and people who read.

    • I was thinking the same thing. Why date a girl who reads when you can date a woman who writes? The idea of dating “a girl who reads” feeds into the idea of women as passive children. I know I’m going to get a lot of flack for this comment, but I think that some of the rhetorical choices in this post are degrading to women, which undermines its intended message.

      • No flack–see above. I think you’re absolutely right, whether she’s a reader or a writer, please at least acknowledge she’s not a “girl”, but a woman. Likewise true is your remark about the rhetorical choices and stereotypes. It’s one thing to read, but another to read critically and closely–it seems a lot of commenters here aren’t doing that. They also don’t seem to notice that the blog owner is not the original writer, and that this is a re-post of someone else’s work.
        At any rate, thanks Josh G and Pedro Cevallos for speaking up like men, and hopefully educating the boys and girls.

  75. Where is this man? Please? I’ve had to write mine… Thanks for this post. Thank you for the lovely writing. A friend shared your space with me…I’ll be back to visit, for sure.

  76. Literate clotheshorse here, who is usually happy to see someone reading much of anything at all, not just the classics. There’s a bit of elitism in this piece, I’m afraid, a bit of stereotyping and I can’t say I’m in disagreement with those who point these out. One can be well-read AND take care of one’s self without being so absorbed in a book that no one DARE interrupt us.

    • When it comes to yuppie fashionistas , stereotypes are right . You wonder why yuppie fashionistas are stereotyped ? The answer is because they fit the stereotype .

  77. Wow. That’s so typically self centered and self righteous of so many women today. There’s nothing in it for the man except your suggested heart bursting (which included no supporting argument to anything she’s doing to participate in the relationship with a real man, only ficticious characters…even if you find a man that reads he’s not fantasizing about female characters that aren’t women of action expressing love, affection, & respect to their men. Try being a character worth writing about and living a life worth writing about, then the men will find you regardless of how much you read or spend on clothes.

    • I don’t think that was the intent of the line…I think it was merely meant to say that women who write won’t talk non-stop about a book because they can write about it, thereby saving the boy in the relationship hours of boredom. (No bashing intended, I both read and write avidly, I simply pity my friends who are within earshot when I get going!) And, besides, where would the readers be without the writers?

      • I would also add: I believe she was thinking that every writer is surely a reader to start with, and is writing as an extension of their deep love of the medium.

  78. This is the most pompous piece of shit I have ever read. No seriously, it is. Thanks for the newsflash, haughty blogger. No shit: people who read are better than people who don’t read. <– that one sentence is all that was needed to sum up this entire self-serving, arrogant, uncomfortable, and BOMBASTIC piece-of-shit blog. Where's my barf bag?

    • Mister Eppy MacHeiffer ,

      By “pompous” do you mean someone who *refuses* to sell out to the rinky dink attitude of the MTV- era cretin /philistine ? (The rinky dink attitude of the MTV era cretin/ philistine being the attitude that YOU display ) .

      Since you think in such a lousy manner , why don’t you please go back to watching your “Dude , Where’s My Car? ” DVD’s , or your South Park shows , or scrawling doggerrel on the walls of mens’ restrooms, or whatever rinky-dink , plebian, worthless, soulless pop culture kitsch you may prefer to do *offline*, and leave online internet discussions to others ? At the very least, you could refrain from talking vulgar trash in the presence of a lady, such like the young lady who posted the blog .

      If you want to be a creep in your own home with no one around to overhear to read (nor otherwise witness) the goofy , totally wrongheaded and worthless opinions which you are disposed to than , that’s up to you. But don’t go typing trash to the ladies , mister .

      If you don’t like refined women , then avoid them and do spend the rest of your life chasing the middlebrow scooby snacks that appeal to your rinky dink mind . But please do keep the infinitely trite and crass cogitations to yourself and other lowlifes who don’t like women with refinement . Yes, you certainly have a right to free expression and, so, if you want to keep on typing the completely worthless and weirdly insipid notions online , then certainly I don’t advocate jailing you nor censoring you from doing so, however, don’t be suprised if some folks refuse to mince any words in belittling the worthless evil opinions you spew forth, for the totally wrongheaded trash such wrong opinions are .

      • Jas, seriously, are you my uncle in disguise? Because you are the most judgmental, rude, pompous windbag of anyone commenting here. Are you simply contrary for the sake of being contrary? Because you certainly are not engaging in any original or cogent analysis. I might suggest that you get out of your rut of insulting everything except what you believe to be right and try not alienating everyone with whom you come in contact. Please be assured that you are not the smartest person on the planet, regardless of whether or not you believe yourself to be.

        OK, I feel better now. Have a great day!

  79. Sweet post – but you really need to get some form of spam guard on here, and at the very least set up comment moderation. Half these comments are just spam.

    • LW potts ,

      If I am your uncle, then noone told me . (If you are my niece , then I hope I can find you a late Christmas present , and have it shipped from Florida to wherever you reside , ma;am ;] )

      “Judgmental” =that’s just a fancy word for someone who refuses to punk out and be namby-pamby / REFUSES to respect crass and/or muddled opinions .

      I never claimed to be smarter than the next person . It ain’t about who is smarter than who . It is a matter of which methods of thought are right and which are wrong ; and that certainly ain’t a matter of mere perspective nor opinion !

      So called “shades of gray” (a phrase that is a misleading misnomer from jump street) are NOT , never have been and never will be any substitute for accuracy and Truth .

      Insulting wayward young men (like that Eppy MacHeiffer) , could help to reform them, so that maybe one day they might conduct themselves like decent human beings *instead of* crass, spoiled ,MTV era cretins, who act like they are throwing temper tantrums , aside from them just prattling on in favor of the rinky-dink (now there’s a smaller worded adjective, for ya !)…. respectible mediocrity of the middle of the road, balanced / mainstream person of the day who settles for a *little bit* of cerebral thought , but *nothing* “too extreme”

      (After all, it is the core of deliberate mediocrity that wants balance /moderation even in regard to virtue …such mediocrity does *not* want anything too extreme , instead it wants the “time honored ” platitudes , the cheap grace of the earthiness of the contemporary t.v. era , and to settle for a cocktail party level or CNN level approach to discourse; feet- on- the- ground, “realistic” , prosaic …nothing too grand or high fallutin , ‘respectible mediocrity’ (to borrow a phrase from H.L. Menecken) .

      You complain about me posting insulting posts . Well you don’t see me posting vitriolic messages to the people who have a right-minded, on the level, reasonable outlook (i.e. people who agree with highfallutin idealism / romantic , quixotic ethereal sentiments) do you? No, it is the people who express totally wrong opinions , goofy, cockamamey notions , that I post vehement messages in response to, not the nice folks who agree with what is right . Take time to reflect on that , please .

      Belittling the opinions professed by people , if those opinions are crass , murky, muddled and so on is CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM , doing them a favor .

      Such rinky-dink opinions I denounce and belittle are NOT them , instead they are just some mess they got involved in . Though the relativist opinions I am denouncing as wrong , are indeed even viler than excrement , nonetheless let me present the following metaphor . If someone has excrement tracked on to the floors of their house , then if they take a sensible approach , then they will not wax nostalgic for it , or lament it being removed from the house. Instead , IF the person is reasonable they would be then eager to have it removed from their house and their house to then be thus restored to cleanness . Well, the opinions expressed by people who are *against* extreme idealism / *against* ethereal finery of feeling and so on , the opinions expressed that advocate having some sort of namby balance between the ideal and a little bit of “well-rounded” crassness , should be thought of as being like some excrement that such people allowed into the day to day mileu in which they spend their days . So, instead of having some weird , silly bellyaching about how someone has been “judgemental” and put down the opinion they advocate, they should just jettison those wrong opinions , cast them aside like so much excrement .

      They have nothing to lose of any merit by giving up such trite , infinitely banal and rinky-dink opinions . It is not like losing a part of them . People whose fingers have been cut off have lost something important . People shamed into renouncing murky opinions have lost nothing that counts .

      And , to answer the question you asked, I am *not* arguing for the sake of being contrary. Instead, I am obligated to defend the high fallutin , idealistic, romaticized , ethereal , utopian goals which are predicated *NOT* on opinion , but instead on absolute ethical and aesthetic, Platonist Truth . I have given instructions to a number of friends , that if I should ever sellout (become accepting , respecting of opinions , NONjudgemental, tolerant of ambiguity and so on) that they are to denounce me with as much harshness as I have denounced others . The goal of yours truly in the polemical discussions is primarily that of a MERE instrument: an instrument for a priori precepts of what is right .

      Single minded idealism is always the right course . One must uphold what artist and writer William Blake called: ‘the hard and wirey line of rectitude and certainty in the actions and intentions’ .

  80. Wonderful! I’m kind of dating a girl exactly like that, she doesn’t understand English, so, I’m going to translate it in Spanish and post it in our Facebook Walls, thanks for such a wonderful text! (and ana apology for my lousy English…)

  81. Seeing so many comments you received on this wonderful post, mine would be just another compliment for this deserving post. Anyway, my American friends in my Californian campus posted your post and how surprised and proud I was to find out that you are Indonesian as well!🙂 We need more people like you. Do see my blog as well whenever you have time🙂 Salam Kenal.

  82. I love this! I want to quote my favorite line, but they are all my favorite! Thanks for not calling me ‘geeky’ or ‘a nerd’ or ‘bookish’ – which is just another word for geeky and nerd. I’m a reader, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my closet full of books that over flowed from my full bookcase and my crowded nightstand.

  83. #1. Anyone telling anyone else to get over themselves, should be at the front of that line. All opinions are apparently welcome. There’s no cute-comments-only section here, when did we start that?

    #2. There is nothing rare about girls who read. Not on either coast of this country that I’ve been on. I’m surrounded by chicks who love to read, sooo…yeah. I’ve actually found it’s mostly guys, esp. ones of a certain age group, who A: don’t know how to read (or write) well B: don’t “get” reading C: have not read much of anything that they didn’t have to for school. Soooo, there’s that.

    #3. Sorry, but the article missed it’s mark. Like others have said, I too *wanted* to like it. I’m a book lover, and I write. But nope.
    This may blow minds, but there *is* actually a way to rally around reading/writing, *without* being patronizing or demeaning towards girls who love other things. And God help you book-loving chicks who are reading the WRONG books, like stuff with vampires and junk. If you’re not creaming yourself over a dead poet of some kind, then well, God bless you, I hope you make it.

    Really, this should have been a cool piece about how great book-loving girls are, but instead it got insulting, patronizing, a creepy/strange. “Lie to her”. Say what about syntax?? WTF is that? Also, no thank you to: rude guys, being lied to, being thought of as superficial, or being thought to lie about something “to sound intelligent”. Seriously? Sorry, I can’t selectively pick out the cute parts of the piece and ignore the rest and declare it’s empowering and inspirational for me. I did actually read all the words.

    Even if it didn’t mean to be, this is just another “this type of girl is the right kind of girl”, which is almost always some kind of fail, because there’s no such thing. “Right” is whatever a girl wants to do or read, including shopping, classic literature, or Twilight or Tru Blood or whatever the hell. And the guy she’s with just has to be compatible with her in her interests. That is all.

    I think it would have worked better if it’d been “Hey Boys Who Love To Read [insert authors here], Try to Date Girls Who Like To Read [those authors]. Then it would have been more of a piece about compatibility and sharing common interests in a fun and loving relationship, rather than the one-sided weirdness this turned out to be.

    I’m pretty sure we did “get it”. That’s why we don’t like it.

    • While I agree with your overall opinion of the article, and many of your reasons for hating it, since you brought up what is patronizing and condescending–perhaps use of the words “girl” and “chick” would also fall under those headings?

      Unless, of course, you were referring exclusively to literate baby chickens and females who have not yet reached adulthood, in which case, my sincerest apologies.

  84. Oh, this is just lovely. Thank you for writing it. It is so sad that intelligence in women is … scorned I guess? so much these days. So glad this blog been shared so much!🙂

  85. To “That Girl”,

    No, not the other girl, or the girl who thinks she is “That Girl”. You with the paper cuts, the sore eyes, and the soul bound to binding. Marry me, I know crazy thought, but if you’re out there….
    We’ll read till we both go blind.

  86. Bookworm beauty
    I wish I was that book that you’re reading.
    I want you to sit with me, browsing the pages of my history
    I want to be held in your hands as you sigh wistfully
    I want my words to twist and dance and play in your mind
    I want to be the reason you just can’t track the time
    I want to keep you up late in the night
    because today’s story drowned out anything that might
    have happened tomorrow
    I want to be that one that you just won’t let your friends borrow
    Because I’m so good you know you’d never get me back
    I want your coffee stains and tears,
    I want you to drop me in your bath
    I want to look well-loved, perused again and again
    I want to be the one that you just can’t put down, until I reach my end!

        • How could I miss the poetry as a poet myself?..I think all these posts are so funny. It seems like the ones who don’t get it I would say are not passionate about reading. The blog post is not about people who read, dear lord..anyone should be able to read. this post is about those who can not live or breathe without reading…..there is a big difference…thsoe who can not live without reading get it…those who are just readers don’t get it and are somewhat insulted…why I don’t know?!! This post about people who must hhold a book in theri hands…smell the ink…smell the pages….not about someone who has a kindle or some other digital device and reads….NO..this is not about you. This post is for those of us who have BOOKS in our blood. who get immersed in the universe created by the author…etc…..as for you others ..well you just will never get it…so sorry…great post….

  87. Really the best thing is to be friends with a woman who reads, not to date her. She probably already has a fantasy-novel boyfriend anyway.

  88. I completely agree with SpookSquad.

    The title of the article drew me in, but the article completely falls flat on its face. The author sounds more pretentious than the shopaholic women she bashes.

    If I woke up to a man holding me at 2 a.m. and there was freshly brewed tea next to me, I’d bolt from getting completely creeped out. I mean what the friggggg!?! And sorry, but if I go to a coffee shop to read, I’m totally outta there if someone buys me a cup.

    This article is nothing more than a head-in-the-clouds, self-indulgent personal ad from the frigid.

    And oh, that last bit about dating a writer is laughable. I hope the author isn’t suggesting that *she*, a blogger, is a writer… Choppy, awkward sentences, weak supporting statements, delusional thought process…. If she’s a writer, then I can fly a 747.

    FYI I had a 28 year old officemate who “loved to read”–mostly holiday novels (I didn’t know there was such a genre), Twilight and cheesy romances. That poor girl couldn’t think for herself had the personality of a rock. Clearly, reading in and of itself isn’t enough; WHAT you read is what matters. The author should perhaps consider reading news articles, science and politics pieces, dating advice columns, self-help books, etc., so that the next time she decides to “write”, she’s not completely out of her depth.

    • You are, of course, entitled to your own opinions regarding the content of the article, and I don’t necessarily disagree with them.

      But I must have missed the edict where the pinnacle of “good writing” was based solely on the English language.

      The author wrote something that happens to be a little romantic, a little passionate, a little right-out-of-a-book (which seems to be on point, no?) She also happened to write said article in a language which, had you taken a few minutes to look around the rest of her website, is obviously not her first.

      So please, rein in your caustic, ethnocentric insults about the imperfection of her grammar and her presumed character flaws until you can hold a civil debate on your other, more reasonable, points. I certainly wouldn’t presume to call you a “poor girl … out of her depth” or compare you to a socially-awkward office mate because you are incapable of writing in perfect Indonesian.

      • Actually, again I’m pointing out to people who apparently don’t read carefully when they do read, the blog owner is not the author of this piece. The author’s name is there at the bottom of the piece–though, Kait, you are probably right that English isn’t her first language, since the author is Filipino.
        And Mimi–the terms “blogger” and “writer” are not mutually exclusive. Perhaps some bloggers don’t meet your high standards, but they’re writing–and some of them do it quite well, when they’re not busy writing books or articles. If anyone sounds pretentious, it’s you, not to mention rude, as you insult the blog owner who didn’t even write the piece, but only posted it because she enjoyed it and thought some others might, as well. I didn’t care for the piece, myself, but certainly don’t feel to launch a personal attack of the blog owner.

    • She should NOT be spending her money on the *trendy* sorts of clothes: the pop culture junk that appeasl to yuppie and /or hipster fashionista types , Laura .

      • Dear Jas, you are clearly being a doo-doo head.

        Why couldn’t an intelligent woman dress well (or dress in any way she wants, for god’s sake), be successfully social AND read high-brow literature? Or is she also required (by you) to be a nasty judgmental person who puts down others’ tastes, tries to be contrary to everything in an effort to be “different for the sake of difference” and generally can’t get along with anyone because she’s so obsessed with her own opinion?

        I love to read, but if you ask me, the point of almost all great literature is to go and appreciate life and the real characters you meet, even if they are “pop-culture hipster fashionistas.” And many of the most intelligent people are those who can successfully communicate and get along with others.

      • Jas-
        How would you define “trendy,” “yuppie,” and “hipster fashionista” types? Whatever way a person chooses to dress themselves, they are constructing a narrative of self that is not always contradictory to a well-read, literate individual.

        We all have to wear clothes (well, unless we are nudists!). What we wear is only a part of who we are and how we see the world. We are multidimensional beings! Our money may go to clothing, books, excursions, charities, etc.

        You know what they say… never judge a book by its cover!

        Ben- I appreciate your comment and second your reflections! (well, except for the doo-doo head part!🙂

      • I’m on the “doo-doo head” wagon here. Seriously, reading through I’m beginning to think Jas simply opened the dictionary & spewed every world he saw. Doesn’t make him smarter than the average bear, but it does make him amusing.🙂

    • BEN POSTED : Dear Jas, you are clearly being a doo-doo head.

      Why couldn’t an intelligent woman dress well (or dress in any way she wants, for god’s sake), be successfully social AND read high-brow literature?

      RESPONSE : Dressing like a conformist yuppie , hipster , or party girl creep is NOT dressing well . Edith Sitwell dressed well. She did *not* dress like a yuppie twit .

      BEN ASKED :Or is she also required (by you) to be a nasty judgmental person who puts down others’ tastes, tries to be contrary to everything in an effort to be “different for the sake of difference” and generally can’t get along with anyone because she’s so obsessed with her own opinion?

      RESPONSE : (1) “Judgemental” …oh, you mean that fancy buzzword used to describe someone who refuses to sellout in thought . That buzzword used to describe someone who does NOT go for that namby-pamby , MTV era , relativist / postmoderm tolerance and acceptance crap , eh ????

      (2) Here goes a statement that will probably not sit well with the MTV generation tolerance and acceptance pop media brainwashing you have bought into : the proposition that came via the keyboard I am typing on is NOT a mere opinion ; it is instead ABSOLUTE TRUTH …NOT “true for some , but not for others ” , nor any similar MTV era postmodern misnomer lingo , but absolutely True, period .

      It is those who disagree who spew mere opinion and wrong opinion at that . Now there above is an old fashioned , out of style notion that you probably will sulk at ….

      BEN POSTED :I love to read, but if you ask me, the point of almost all great literature is to go and appreciate life and the real characters you meet, even if they are “pop-culture hipster fashionistas.”

      RESPONSE : What the Sam Hill do you consider great literature , that teaches people to be namby-pamby , opinion respecting sellouts ? I take it you haven’t been reading much Tolstoy , or Plato …to name but a few .

      BEN POSTED :And many of the most intelligent people are those who can successfully communicate and get along with others.

      RESPONSE: NOT if the others are trendy conformists . The best policy towards them is either persuade them to recant or avoid them like the plague .

      If one of them is in physical pain , of course extend charity to them , even the worst of the worst should be given that much …but NEVER seek any balance nor give and take with the worthless opinions and lifestyles of trendy conformists !

    • Laura ,

      Give me a little time to reply on which particular styles of clothing are not acceptible attire .

      I’m a little bit sleepy tonight. Glad you asked . Hopefully, I’ll get around to responding either tonight or maybe tommorrow , if all goes well .

    • Laura ,

      Give me time . I just took one of my tranqulizer type pills , and so if I’m not too sleepy by the end of the afternoon or evening I hope to have a response to you by the afternoon or evening of this present period , or perhaps tommorrrow , as to what sorts of attire is trendy/not acceptible …(emblematic of yuppies and other trendy groups ).

      Sorry to keep you waiting so long. There have been lots of irons in the proverbial fire both online and off . Plus there was the Christmas Holiday to tend to ….

    • Hi Laura ,

      A good rule of thumb to discern whether a given style of attire is yuppie or hipster (and, hence , wrong) is to check to see if it is a type of clothing style featured on the key actresses in yuppie t.v. shows such as ‘Revenge’, ‘Sex in The City’ , ‘Desperate Housewives’ and other hideous yuppie type shows and movies .

      As far as discerning the style indicative of hipsters /indie scenesters , that can be discerned by observing the sort of movies that hipsters go for and, hence , noting the clothes that the main characters in hipster movies tend to wear . Movies such as the indie films as well as films starring that poster boy for the hipster movement :J.Schwartzman stars in (as well as the films that poster girl for the hipster movement :the hipster creep : Natalie Portman, stars in ) .Films such as ‘I Heart Huccabees’ , being a case in point of hipster fashion .

      In regard to hipster t.v. shows , one that would be illustrative of the hipster style would be that hipster show called ” Bored To Death’, and the lead hipster protagonist :J.Schwartzman .

      Yuppie clothing styles (i.e. the wrongheaded way to dress) can include vampy, sultry , worldly (aka skanky ) clothinng an accessories such as stilletto heels (yuck!) , and/or the sort of disgusting dresses that have a slit down the side (even more yuck! ). Such clothing is indicative of a coy, haughty, sultry sort of sensibility (ultra-disgusting!) . The sort of fashionista brand clothing that appears on the Red Carpet Hollywood spectacles (such as Donna Karan New York) is a definite manifestation of yuppie style .

      Hipster clothing tends to be an ecclectic mishmash of urban chic,
      PSEUDO-bohemian, and sometimes PSEUDO-rustic motifs . One type of accessory which is a tell tale sign of a hipster, is a person who is *NOT* of Palestinian ancestory, wearing the Palestinian neckscarf and wearing it NOT out of any political affinity for the political cause of Palestinian people , but as a type of fashion statement . The type of underwear that has the phrase ‘Hello Kitty ‘ emblazoned on the bottom of it , is also characterisitc of hipsters apparently . It was an apparent concomittant of the juvenile , goofy hipster event known as the ‘No Pant’s Subway Rides’ .

  89. I dated and later married a reader. We’re very contented. I know her taste in reading better than she does.

  90. I feel like sitting down next to the girl who reads while she is reading, interrupting her and asking her how the book is, is in fact terrible advice, and inappropriate. People who are in public and reading are busy, and shouldn’t be interrupted How is what -you- have to say more important than the book she is reading? Because that is the message you are sending.

    • People who interrupt other people who are reading in public are, far more often than not, non-readers.

      And since they don’t enjoy reading, they don’t understand what it’s like to be immersed in a book.Many of them leap to the conclusion that you must be really bored, or forced to read a book for a class, if you’re reduced to reading. Because why would anyone do it otherwise?

    • Yes, that woudl be rude I hate to be interrupted when I am immersed in another world. but if you look at the meaning behind the words..what I think she is saying is that the man who interrupts the girl reading will be brave, the different one,,,the man of her storybook come out to life because as we all girls who read and who have read romantic fiction know the hero of the story never does what is expected of him but follows his heart and he always annoys the girl but gets her in the end….At least that is my interpretation of what the author wrote. Only she could say if I am correct…..

      • Interrupting someone (for NON-emergency purposes) is boorish , gauche and does not lend itself to a persipacious sort of relationship , Ivonne .

        There is nothing heroic about being some bad boy, spontaneous rogue.

        It is indeed weird that so many people laud spontaneity. Spontaneity is NOT a virtue. Indeed it is a vice . Being spontaneous , aside from being wrong , is tacky and jejune/

        It is what makes so many relationships go awry .

        Allow me to clarify, when it is stated that there is nothing heroic about being a bad boy , spontaneous rogue: by the phrase “bad boy” I am NOT referring to an idealistic sort of James Dean style rebel . We ought to wish there were more of those around .

        I am *not* referring to the sad eyed , good hearted, street kid at the pool hall who may have had some scrapes with the law due to misunderstandings and such and/or who rebels against blockheaded authoritarian parents who treat their kids like dirt or cattle . A guy like that could make a good boyfriend for a girl , including a girl of an intellectual sort .

        What I am referring to, instead, are the typical mischief makers and/or alpha male twits . Be they testosterone driven goofballs with fast cars and heads full of lousy shite , or be they like unto the proto-hipster character, in that lousy movie from the 1990’s, called Reality Bytes (the one that played the on again /off again interest of Winona Ryder (don’t get me wrong …yours truly tends to avoid movies , especially newer ones…I’d rather watch golf , but I have seen a few to get a glimpse of the lousy zeitgeist of contemporary mass culture)… the male character that (in typical hipster fashion) claimed that he allegedly had no duty to make the world a better place, and cheated on the main female protagonist by seeing other girls ) .

        Roguishness is NOT endearing .

        Coyness is NOT endearing either .

  91. The essay above would have been very excellent IF the following paragraph had NOT been included .

    The following paragraph is like unto a major fly in the proverbial ointment .

    “Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.”

    That paragraph shown in excerpt , taken from the essay above is where the essay went astray . Had the essay above not have had that paragraph it would have been very excellent .That paragraph goes *against* the idealism of the essay.

    That incongruous paragraph is tainted with relativism/postmodernism aka ambivalent thinking …which is to say: sellout thinking .

    The best sort of girl who reads and writes well, is a single-minded purist: single-minded in idealism and, hence, has NO ambivalence/ NO ambiguity / NO idiosyncratic thinking , but has instead single minded , absolutist , untrammelled idealism .

    She knows that life is NOT meant to have a villain or two , or any villains .

  92. Date a girl who reads because she will have a rich fantasy life and be a freak in bed, let’s be honest here…

  93. To the person named Mimi .

    Of all the grounds for criticizing the article , it is rather funny , ma’am, that you choose a quite spurious and wrongheaded one . You defend the bourgeous, shopaholic and superficial sort of young women, and then deride the author for being frigid .

    *Since when* is being frigid any sort of vice ? ???

    If you had decided to choose the right criteria for critiquing the article you could have instead made a salient criticism of the paragraph that includes the misleading statement that states , ‘Life is meant to have a villain or two’ :<—- which is the dystopian sort of meme that is keeping the planet from becoming perfect, as it ought to have been long ago .

    Furthermore, you indeed should be far more cautios about advising the self-help movement propaganda books as being among the books an inquisitive girl should read . That hack Deepak Chopra writes self help books and one (if not more) of them is insipid , trendy. postmodernist tripe that encourages people to be accepting and ambvialent (aka selllouts) .

    You deride the author for having a head-in-the clouds approach .

    'Head in the clouds' is that another term for someone who *refuses* to accept the crass, earthy tenor of the MTV- era world ?

  94. Response To Prince K ,

    *Since when* is being one-sided (i.e. NOT being ambivalent /NOT being duplictious) in any way a bad trait ????? Since when !

    Contrary to popular opinion, there are NOT two or more sides to every issue .

    Contrary to popular opinion , so-called “shades of gray” are NO subsitute for accuracy and Truth .

    Hurray for one-sided , undiluted idealism which *refuses* to ever sell out !

  95. i suppose most of the people here who agree so wholeheartedly with the article are avid readers?

    while i’d certainly agree that one would probably find it less of a hassle to get a gift for a bookworm and that a girl who reads is probably less bimbotic and a lil more likely to help a guy produce intelligent offspring, i think it’s ridiculous to say that a girl who reads will readily accept and understand if her partner lies and fails her. in fact, there’s a flipside to dating a girl who spends half her life delving into books, especially fiction–there’s the possibility that she over-romanticizes reality and expect her partner to do all sorts of things that would happen in a book but hardly in reality, and a line from the article proves this actually–“If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone”– do you see this as an endearing feature of a girl? i don’t. i see it as a potentially demanding bitch.

    also, from my personal experience as a literature student, girls (or should i say people) who read can be extremely sensitive about another person’s use of words since we are so attuned to picking up tone and diction–so yeah, you can also end up getting a girl who jumps on every lil thing you say and turn it into an argument.

    and finally, with all the stories that’s been seeping into her imagination, she may jolly well be a drama-queen. ’nuff said.

    so, an interesting read indeed– but a thoroughly flawed romanticization of girls who read.

    • Well don’t you sound like Prince Charming!

      I’d rather live alone than with a man who does not make me happy. If books have made my standards higher than men like you are willing to reach, thank G-d for that.

      Also, men help women produce offspring, not the other way round. Some men may choose to do an equal share of parenting but the physical part is 15 minutes of fun for you–which may or may not be fun for her, with you I expect it is not–followed by 9 months of having to watch what you eat and drink punctuated by morning sickness, swollen ankles, constantly peeing, falling asleep exhausted randomly during the day, a sore back, physical changes, culminating (if you’re lucky enough to avoid miscarriages, complications, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia et cetera) in several hours of painful and exhausting labour which can, if not properly managed, lead to bladder damage and vaginal tearing.

      Just in case you didn’t know that.

    • ”If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone”– do you see this as an endearing feature of a girl? i don’t. i see it as a potentially demanding bitch.

      So she’s potentially a “demanding bitch” because she might be unwilling to endure your plodding mediocrity? And God forbid she read things that set her imagination on fire–she might want something better than what you’re willing or capable of providing!

      That seems to be the gist of your comment, at any rate.

      • Indeed Euphorbia . The above post you posted is well said and right om .

        There are some flies in the proverbial ointment with the other post you posted later down the series of posts, but the post above you posted is spot on .

        Kudos to you for telling that guy off !

  96. Response to the person named Spook Squad ,

    If any pattern of thought merits being called by the adjective ‘creepy’ it is the infinitely cliche , typical MTV generation, postmodernist attitude which wants to claim that all opinions are welcome …even the crass , murky and insipid opinions of those who defend those who prefer superficial trendy activities to edifying ,virtuous books and the like .

    If you don’t like the remarkable article that the young woman has written , then noone is twisting your arm to read it .

  97. Murakami? Joyce? What is this, Pretentious Literary References 101?

    Nauseatingly affected post seeking some kind of bookworm gold star.

    “You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots….as she puts the kettle on she beckons to you, reciting her favorite passage from Candide, weeping silently, tears glistening down her cheeks as the words overcome her. Fragile bird. Colorful flower. Reader of words, blogger of nonsense, and knower of nothing other than a bleak addiction to her own carefully crafted self image.”

    • “…Fragile bird. Colorful flower. Reader of words, blogger of nonsense, and knower of nothing other than a bleak addiction to her own carefully crafted self image.”

      Okay, I just laughed one of those dorky, giggle-snort laughs at this.

      Sometimes, the parodies just seem to write themselves, don’t they?

    • i actually didn’t mind the post much. i liked it less the more i read. i must say, though, that THIS was hilarious!

  98. Response To The Person Named Ching ,

    *Since when* is romanticizing a bad trait ?

    Romanticizing is a proclivity that encourages people to set the sights high , to insist on high standards of sensibility, INSTEAD OF resigning oneself to what H.L. Mencken called ‘respectible mediocrity’ (the mass culture kitsch of the MTV/CNN era of conformist yuppies and hipsters , and Jersey Shore twits being, of course, a case in point of respectible mediocrity).

  99. “Pretentious” (like the term “psuedo-intellectual”) is a term so often bandied about in the recent weird , tacky era of crass pop culture , by those who do NOT like anyone who seeks to exhort people to REFUSE to settle for the respectible mediocrity of the jejune sophistication of the middle of the road , passably cerebral conformists who embrace a lukewarm , well adapted approach to the life of the mind .

    ‘Pretentious’ is a term often used by the prosaic to lambast those who *refuse* to wallow in the mire of the conventional sty of conformist swine .

    • Or by people who feel they have to prove how intelligent they are by using ten cent words when they’re totally unnecessary. Especially when they can’t spell some of the easier ones. Try this:

      “Pretentious” (like the term “psuedo-intellectual”) is a term used too often by those who don’t like anyone who urges others to refuse to settle for the easiest route, both in life and in thought.”

      And your second paragraph serves to echo the first, allowing you to toss in more words you think make you sound smart. Except, unfortunately, they just make you look like an ass, incredibly defensive, and TOTALLY insecure in your own intelligence. Or pretentious… your pick.

      • “Bookworm”, I don’t give a rat’s ass about whether I sound smart or not .

        Don’t be so dang presumptuous to presume that motive (and I ain’t sorry, if that last words got too many syllables for ya) .

        I am obligated to defend what is right , and hence slamming the wrong opinions promoted by the MTV generation sellouts, who put forth the rinky dink trash, which chides the lady writer (who wrote the opening article) cause she doesn’t cotton to the pop culture , sitcom watching sensibility level of the twits who settle for the world the way it is…is the slamming which duty leads me to do . (It is duty , NOT any desire to look smart that leads me to slam the worthless opinions of those who bandy about the word ‘pretentious’, as a buzzword to rally
        ANTI-intellectual tommyrot .)

  100. Really great post! Maybe I need to start hanging out in bookstores to meet someone who will appreciate a reader (and a WRITER)! Thank you for this! – Catnip

  101. “They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.” that is SO true! Nothing beats the scent of old, well-worn paper!🙂🙂

  102. Sweet, wistful, makes me want to start another book. All but the part about lying, and failing. The author makes it seem like these are Okay things to do to someone, just because they understand.
    If you do mess up and lie to her, Fess Up. It’s not okay, but she might understand. You will lose some of her trust and will have to work hard to rebuild it, but she’s worth it. Remember that words are sacred, and if you use them for ill

  103. …damn iPhone.

    …for ill, she will know.

    And if you fail, she will see that you’ve tried your best to succeed… Because girls who read notice the small things. They pay attention to the details… When they’re not buried in a book. They know you are human… But that what makes a hero is sometimes the courage to do their best, even if they do not succeed what they set out to do.

  104. I married the girl in this post 31 years ago this past August. She’s given me 5 beautiful children and introduced me to endless other worlds of delight… and now she’s writing, creating her own.

  105. Mmm I’m sorry but I’ve read a lot of romance and a lot of classics, and I just don’t think Susan Elizabeth Phillips’s romances are much better or much worse than Twilight… In both cases it’s just escapism reading and, to me, that is reading simply for the excitement or the pleasure of being in a fantasy world… And yes, of cuorse, I do love Twilight and I like Thomas Hardy and D.H. Lawrence too

  106. I don’t know what I liked more…the touching, profound writing or the passionate discussion about authors in the comments section!

    PS—Pigtail Pals sent me.

  107. Of course Hardy is great, no question. Twilight may or may not be trash, however, it is an enjoyable read.
    And even though I love Twilight it never ceases to be a surprise to see how many people are caught up with this series. I would say it’s like eating a fresh, sweet slice of watermelon or eating a bag of crisps…The watermelon is perfect and good for you, but there is no harm in eating a bag of crisps now and then…. even if your body is not getting anything from it.

  108. You can’t write a sequel when the story ends in death. The story always ends in death. Also, not all stories need a villian and a good deal of Ulysses can be understood as easily as any other modern work. I’m trying to remember the last girl I dated that didn’t read, and I can’t. At the least every woman claims to read in my little middle class white bred world. If you can’t get a guy it probably isn’t because he is intimidated by your reading.

  109. I wanted to like this (despite the wearisome use of “girl”), but…no.

    “Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes.”

    Right off the bat, a stereotype. Why can’t women spend money on both? Why must it come down to a choice between books/brains/virtue and clothes/beauty/superficiality? The author might as well have said, “Date a smart girl, not one of those shallow bitches.” Hello, internalized misogyny!

    “She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street….Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted.”

    As a woman who reads, I’ve discovered that men who interrupt women while they are reading are, more often than not, non-readers. They think nothing of butting in on a woman immersed in a book because they assume any woman reading a book must be doing so out of boredom and desperation.

    But a man who reads understands that–and if he’s worth his salt he’ll wait until she puts her book down before approaching. Because a woman who reads? She knows she has better options than some boor who thinks he’s entitled to her attention just because she’s there, and female.

    “Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.”

    In other words, be a pompous dickbag? Cut that girl who thinks she’s so smart down to size? Make her prove her reader cred? Right.

    “Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.”

    I’m sorry, but this is gobbledygook that makes no sense at all. Lie to me, a woman who reads? You’re history. Understand that syntax.

    “Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.”

    Oh sweet zombie Jesus. You have got to be kidding. I read books, therefore I will keep taking him back, over and over, just like in a novel, because I know that eventually he’ll get his shit together, redeem himself, and give me a happy ending in Book 2? And if he ends up being the villain in my story for a while, that’s perfectly okay; as a woman who reads I ought to know it’s meant to be that way?

    LOL NO.

    “Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop.”

    Here’s the thing: it’s not my job, as a woman (who reads), to put up with your lies and your failure while you “develop” into a decent human being. I get enough overwrought drama and in my life from fiction; I don’t need it from a manchild who lectures me on Murakami and thinks I’m lying because I actually grokked Joyce.

    “Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.”

    I swear, there is simply not enough “fuck you” in the world, some days.

    • As a woman who reads, I just have to say…… I love you! Thank you for so eloquently pointing out the massive flaws in this essay. I couldn’t have said it half so well (I’m obviously NOT a woman who writes, as well haha).

    • Thank you! You saved me from getting all riled up and posting a much longer rant. The Joyce bit rankled me, but the lying bit made me fume, especially that the man supposedly has a “need to lie” that we should understand.

      The writer of this piece has clearly been dating the wrong men ans had decided to stereotype them all, as well as suggest that women should put up with demeaning behavior. Lying is a dealbreaker.

  110. This seems too similar to the piece written by Charles Warnke to be a coincidence (“You Should Date an Illiterate Girl”) … I would say it was at least INSPIRED by him. No?

  111. I guess this is true for SOME girls, but not for ALL girls. Because I know a girl who reads and writes, and she’s CRAZY and schizophrenic.

    I would say, date a girl who reads, writes, and engages in sports. That would balance the equation.

    • Piss on balance .

      Single minded integrity NOT multifaceted balance is what is worthwhile in a person of any gender !

  112. I think there is a difference between books and novels. It seems that you mainly refer to novels in this article. Still, I love it. Cheers.

  113. Date a girl who reads, because even if it is over, you will stay immortal! Date a girl who writrs, because even when it is over, it will never be this beautifully over!

  114. Beautiful beautiful article and believe me i’ve been trying but i don’t know how many wrongs do i’ve to go through to meet someone as special as this girl but i hope i do soooon!!! thanks i shared it on facebook also so my friends can read this amazing article!

    • Amen , ma’am .

      Not fond adieu, either .

      And especially let us drive the last metaphorical nail in the coffin of the goofy , postmodern notion that tells people that it is okay to have some sort of balance between a little superficialness and being deep . It is NOT okay to have such duplictious balance . Balance be dammed .

      When it comes to virtue it is either paint or get off the ladder !

      • Jas-

        Balance is actually not a postmodern notion… Have you ever read Aristotle (and his discussions on “the good life”), or The Bible (Old and New Testaments) or any Eastern philosophers like Lao Tzu?

        I’m worried about how black and white you seem to view this issue. Perhaps you are not as well-read as you would hope us to suppose you are?

    • Laura ,

      If you think that the bible promotes balance /some sort of so-called “golden mean ” of flexibility , then questions arise such as : were you smoking something when you read a good version? Or did you get one of those loose paraphrase versions (such as the so-called “Living Bible”) and peruse its pages ?

      Consider the single-mindedness of the carpenter rabbi from Nazareth who stated ,

      ‘If thine eye be *single* than thy whole body shall be filled with light ‘.

      Consider also the rigid single-minded idealism of Ruth :who single-mindedly *refused* to balance any desire for any measure of affluence, which she might have obtained had she decided to return to Moab , and maybe came to visit her widowed mother in law: Naomi once in a while , but *instead* of doing that she with all the single-mindedness of a female ronin continued with Naomi minus any husband for years on end , since she herself was also a widow (until she had the unforseen meeting with Boaz), and served , hence, her with *no* apparent desire for any reward throughout the years of terrible grinding penury . <—That sounds like single-minded, fanatical idealism , and NOT balance doesn't it !

      There are numerous other examples in the Judeo-Christian literature .

      The so-called "Nichomachian Ethics" is one of the most mendacious cases of obscurantist balderdash in all of history . If you want good advice on ethics , start with 'The Metaphysics of Morals', by Immanuel Kant . Or read the Renaissance era Platonists . The odd deal is the Aristotle, in other writings (such as the texts on logic such as 'The Prior Analytics' , 'The Posterior Analytics' , 'The Categories', The 'Metaphysics' (the latter *not to be confused with the new agey codswallop that falsely calls itself "metaphysical" ) in the main, promoted a more consistent approach to thought, yet in that monstrosity called 'The Nichomachian Ethics' he flies in the face of the consistenty he displayed in other writings …by advocating that goofy,
      NON-consistent doctrine of the golden mean …which goes *against* consistency and was an odd forerunner of postmodernism .

      As for the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu , that text was highly overrated . There are some few gems there scattered amidst the dust of its pages, but mostly dust and mure .

      As far as Taoists go, Chaung Tzu made more worthwhile contributions than Lao Tzu .

      I recommend you read Jane Eyre by Charlotte and Elizabeth Bronte , to thus be the edified since it stresses the importance of single-minded integrity .

      Read also the writings of Leo Tolstoy : notably the short stories he wrote as well as 'The Kreutzer Sonata '. Read also the better short stories of Thomas Wolfe: especially the story: 'Death The Proud Brother', where the author laments overhearing the remarks of a couple of socialites and the insidious lack of single-minded earnestness they display and do display in such a vulgar manner .

      AND ….I almost forgot , *please* do read the amazing story of the knight 'Parsifal' : the guileless , single- minded knight committed to untrammelled idealism. A story apparently by the great author of the Middle Ages: Wolfram !

      Trendy hack writers, such as that postmodern self-help, four-flusher Deepak Chopra advocate balance . The best writers do NOT .

      • There is a typo in the post above .In the response above I had meant to type the phrase :’ and be thus edified’ and accidentally typed “to thus be the edified” .

        Also, I accidentally typed the term ‘mure’ instead of ‘mire’ .

        Dang typos could almost drive a fella to drink (in a non-deterministic , causal free agency sense , of course !)

      • Thank you for the suggestions Jas!
        I read Metaphysics of Morals and rather enjoyed Kant’s stance on ethics and morality. I’m not as familiar with Tolstoy or Wolfe, or Wolfram

        While I enjoyed Jane Eyre, and consider it a wonderful piece of literature, I don’t consider Jane to be an archetype of who I want to be or how I would like to become in the future. If I had to choose a literary heroine from that era, I would rather look to Esther Summerson (keeping in mind, of course, that is is only a character in a book).

        My recommendations to you are: Centering by M.C. Richards (a bit artsy-fartsy at times, for my taste, but her central concepts are worth consideration), Roland Barthes (especially The Language of Fashion), Pierre Bourdieu, as well as readings on identity and social identity.

      • Oh yes, and texts- whether fiction or nonfiction, religious or non-religious, were written within a context and to an audience within that context, and they must be read with those contexts in mind.

  115. weird names to future kids ……like naming your daughter “renesme”,why,why would you do such a thing…doesn’t it sound a bit too much into fantasy eh??

    • Response to Laura ,

      You are welcome for the suggestions .I’m earnestly glad that you had an affinity for the Metaphysics of Morals by Immanuel Kant .

      Please do tell me more about Esther Summerson .? I have not heard of that character before .

      I hope to look into the books you recommended such as centering by that M.C.Richard’s person , and the Language of Fashion by Roland Barthes (I once read an essay by him on the paintings of the Dutch Renaissance Painters, but I have not read much of the texts by him) , and the writings of that Pierre Bordieu person and the other texts you mentioned . I seldom get to bookstores that much lately .

      One matter I would caution you about , in reference to the statement about texts whether religious or otherwise being written within a context and to a given audience , is that one should be careful about using the term context as an open ended term, and one that might marginalize the perennial precepts contained within a body of literature . The self-denying , altruistic idealism displayed by Ruth for Naomi, in the book of Ruth , for example, is valid in any social or historical setting , for it transcends the vicissitudes of society, cultural context, historical setting . Such an insight of the importance of acting on an idealistic precept is one where the text instantiates an a priori ethical insight .

  116. This ultimately left me in tears; you’ve dissected my heart’s desire for my three daughters. But first I laughed out loud over the “Except in the Twilight Series” line.

    • thank you for posting this..i have no problem with the blogger botching up the main article.she is not a native english speaker.but some of the commenters who are for some reason taking this too seriously need to shut up & chill.

  117. Wow! i love you : ) I came across this link as Neil fernandes from Lionbridge shared it on FB and saw that we have 4 mutual LB friends and thought you might have worked there too. Hi! i am Anu, i used to work it LB too. : )

    It was a pleasure to read you. I have subscribed of course! Thanks for standing up for us readers and writers! Ah well, there’s nothing left to say. I love you already!!!

  118. “Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.” What the fuck is this. Why don’t you title this “date a dumb liar”?

  119. Fundamentally, a romancethat incorporates a mutual love of literature is so personal, so nuanced and so painful (should it shatter) that the article above (so tremendously commented upon- salute) that surely the reader must withdraw for awhile and ponder what they have lost. Or what they may have gained by a relationship with a reader. For me, my dearest Stacey kept me at arm’s length with her obsessive reading. Them again, my crits of her choices gave rise to terrific argument, debate and sex. I find it hilarious that the authors Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings quoted are all spitting distance from sexual euphemisms. Nicely done girl. Was that conscious or not?

  120. Dear god this entire blog post is offensive. You can’t just assign a dramatic tone to whatever you’re writing and expect people to be impressed with your horribly presumptuous, misogynistic, stereotypical, profiling drivel.
    I and everyone I’ve shown this to are offended. Congratulations.

    • Rhys,

      If you are promoting that tolerance and acceptance shtick and extending even to people who like mass culture , MTV era tripe , then start a blog devoted to defending banality , instead of whining and prattling on the present one !

  121. If only it were that easy! The ratio of people who read around here is so low, it truly is a shock that I wonder why the local library has 0 to no books. No one reads.

  122. A girl who reads likely would never go out with the author of this article. She would clearly see the article was poorly written, its hopeless grammar and sentences without any real destination ( or origin) and perhaps turn her cold shoulder to the writer who has yet to learn to read

  123. Your post is flawed. Should probably read “A Person You Should Date” and go from there. It’s pretty needless to choose one gender. We should all look for a partner who reads (or writes😉.

  124. Coolest essay ever! My guy friends better read this, so I don’t have to fish them out of their stupid relationships with stupid girls.

  125. I really enjoyed this though I think it a pity you had to have a mean sideways jab at Twilight. That is a bit of a boring cliche these days. Every lame intellectual does it, most of whom have no idea what they are talking about. Stephanie Meyer did not set herself or her books up as Godheads. Why not attack another of the million paranormal romance writers. But that’s right, SM made the mistake of being successful … I am not defending her writing. Only her right to be a woman who writes …

  126. I date a girl who reads, even more I date a girl who writes… even more I am married to a girl who reads and writes… Please tell me dear am I doomed…?🙂

  127. personally I don’t see a reason why not to date a damsel who reads books and why to date anybody who doesn’t read books. Only animals don’t read, because they can’t do it as well as many other things.

  128. I am a reader. I think I am a writer too. I read your piece and loved it. My son turns 13 this month. I want him to read it. And I would love him to date / marry a girl who reads and writes.

  129. “She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.”

    Don’t ask me if I like the book. DON’T TALK TO ME IF I’M READING. SO RUDE.

  130. Yo, date whatever friggin kind of girl you want. Date a girl who makes your heart feel squishy. Date a girl whose face makes you want to puke because you like it so much.

    But don’t assume a) that girls who like clothes are less preferable than girls who read and b) that those girls aren’t the same girl.

    If you want to date a girl who reads, please do not assume that she is only pretending to understand James Joyce to sound intelligent; please do not only ever give her books without asking first if maybe she’d like a kettle or a nailgun or a skirt; please do not lie to her or fail her because she will understand because she reads or whatever. Please do not assume she wants to have kids or give them weird-ass names, and please do not assume that she doesn’t like to read Twilight.

    Don’t interrupt her while she’s reading if she doesn’t want to be interrupted!

    And keep in mind that you don’t deserve any girl. Ever. People are not things that one can earn. But maybe if you stop being a dick comparing girls who read to illiterate ugly imaginationless girls, and maybe if you learn to respect all girls and listen to their opinions and stop assuming all this shit based on their hobbies, and maybe if you stop weirdly fetishizing and cataloging types of girls, you will find a girl who wants to date you back and y’all will fall in love and be real cute together.

  131. you have a postbag full of comments here but with a post like this one i think you’ll forgive me if i can’t help myself. i am a girl who reads and i have to myself this incredible girl with bright shining eyes who insists on carrying a bag too heavy cause its laden with books, pencils and ink pens. whenever anyone expresses their bewilderment at the way we are, she smiles at me a smile only i can read. it is a caress, a shared and cherished secret, a place of our own. we leave each other notes of nothing but lists of pretty words scribbled on the backs of tickets, paper napkins or scraps of notepaper, tucked away in books. we live in the same city and send each other postcards. written in ink and put through the post though we see each other often. and when its just the two of us we sneak into bookshops and leaf through books for hours..and yes we open books and inhale to fill our lungs with that incredible scent of magic. and when we drag ourselves out there aren’t any words..we just walk out with hands clutched together and smiles that refuse to be wiped away.

  132. Jesus Christ. This girl sounds dysfunctional.

    Does the book-reading girl do anything else other than read books and provide men with a indie-hipster-oh-so-artistic-and-geeky 2 dimensional muse to swoon over? Does she eat? Does she take a shower? Does she have a job, a family, friends? Or does she simply exist in a book-lined dream-room in the imagination of every hipster guy who’s ever gone to college?

    Remember the Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl trope from films such a Garden State and Elizabethtown? This whole “girl who read books” thing is basically a further instruction to anxious, directionless young men to go find a kooky, carefree female spirit to bolster your depressive male self-esteem, irrespective of this girl’s own needs and desires, not to mention her existence as a fully-rounded person.

    Welcome everybody and may I present to you the Manic-Pixie-Book-Reading-Dream-Girl.

    Take note that she has to be reading the “right” books to qualify for adoration. She has to be reading from a specially-pre-approved book-list otherwise she’s just trash. Only deign to go anywhere near a woman who fits your pre-conceived notion of what it is to be a worthy human being.

    “If you find a girl who reads”: Yeah, if you’re lucky enough to find such a rare thing. A girl… who… reads, because it’s actually really RARE to find a girl whose hands aren’t glued to her hairdryer. Dating a girl who reads is absolutely BASIC. The fact that this has been presented as aspirational, perpetuates the notion that *most* girls are vacuous airheads, and only a few, special ones have decided that those weird-looking rectangle objects made out of paper are worth exploring.

    On the other hand what if she doesn’t read? What if she’s DYSLEXIC? What if she prefers some other pass time? What if she follows a different hobby? WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T READ THE BOOKS THAT YOU APPROVE OF? Dump her I guess?

    And by the way, what is wrong with liking clothes? Can a girl not have expansive bookshelves AND a wardrobe full of clothes she likes?

    Date a girl with an education, who is literate, who has her own independent thoughts, feelings, desires and emotions. Date a girl who has self-respect.


    • Dude, calm down. The writer wasn’t saying that if they didn’t read James Joyce that they were trash…you did. The writer was simply highlighting that bookish girls are great girls to date. Don’t make it into something it isn’t. Oops, too late.

    • Badger ,

      You are the one that sounds like a freaking hipster .

      To refer to a girl who likes the artsy,bohemian way of life as geeky , is quite goofy and weird of YOU. The adjective geeky has in the past applied to tacky , earthy types who like kitschy forms of low grade science fiction , kitschy games such as Dungeons and Dragons , or Mortal Combat , farting , blowing snot bubbles , lousy movies of the Austin Powers ilk and other tacky kitsch . The term ‘geeky’ does not apply to bohemians .

      That you would cite a movie starring that trendy , bright young thing, hipster creep Natalie Portman , is indication that it is YOU who are coming at the issue from a hip, chic sensibility one fostered by MTV era pop culture .

      What you have posted above is complete mental garbage . Duplicity / mixing the sublime with the kitschy and trendy is NOT endearing .

      Multifaceted ambiguity be dammed !

  133. Beautiful piece of writing. I read and write and so made my husband read it. He just smiled and said he knew he was lucky even before he read this.

  134. Well I have been married to my wife for 43 years and both of us are avid readers and are never stuck for conversation,different idea’s and opinions we go at it just as we did when we first met.

  135. My wife posted this on my facebook wall and I love it. When I met my wife we talked about a lot of things but one of the biggest things that resonated with me(and her) was that she read. Now when I say she read, it wasnt a casual, hey I am bored so let me go read something reader, it was a 2-3 books at a time, one i the car, another 2-3 on the nightstand, we can go to the book store and get a cup of coffee and just look at the books kind of reader. The first time she said I love you was when we were laying on the couch reading the same book together. Neither one of us speaking, I was holding the book and turning the pages. Everything just seemed at peace with the world, and we have now been happily married for 8 years. My wife is nearly perfectly described by this post and I dont think i would have it any other way. We still read together, though our interests are different. There is still something special about crawling into bed with a good book and good company.

    • Yup, I do the same thing. I feel out of balance if I’m not reading three books at a time. Glad you found someone that enjoys the same thing as you! 🙂

    • Aww! That’s pretty beautiful. I’m just glad to know that those kind of great relationships exist🙂

  136. This is amazing! My friend posted this on my FB wall and said, “This is YOU.”
    I agree 100% with every picture you painted in this post!

  137. i love everything about this blog post. to those who don’t “get it”…well, it isn’t talking to you then. but it sure talked to me. everything has its audience, every single word written. this blog post is no exception, obviously. and a real “book girl” would know this. if you aren’t, you aren’t. but from those of us that are, a sincere thank you to the writer for writing this. (and for the record, in response to some of the snark i saw on the page, i would love to be proposed to over skype….what a great story to write in my memoirs! see what i mean? 😉

    • i agree – everything does have its audience. however, everything is good in moderation. there r plenty girls who read. the rest of it is mostly – “hey, love that girl, cos regardless how messed up u r and what u do to her – she d understand and forgive. why? oh, cos she read it in the books…” really? how does it speak to anyone with healthy self- esteem? (no offense)

      • Intrinsic virtue should NOT be done in moderation , Natalaya .

        Intrinsic virtue should be taken to extremes . One cannot go wrong with highfallutin idealism !

  138. Dating a girl who read books is nice to have a conversation with, however, I think girls who have brains and can get their swag on is more of an ideal date. Best of both worlds. You’ll never be bored.

  139. makes perfect sense – if all the girl does is reads and lives in her fantasy world – date her, break up with her, propose via skype (that doesnt even sound right…) this whole thing s about a girl who doesnt really do nothing else but reads? whats beautiful and attractive in that? a woman can be both – intelligent, good looking, and sure dress nice…. and why exactly s it ok to fail her? doesnt she read the books about things like self respect, for instance ….

  140. I just want to say that this is the most beautiful thing I have read in a long, long, long while. It gives me hope as one of those girls who sniffs books and stares longingly at bookshelves that there is indeed some hope in being a girl who reads.

  141. I found this article pretentious, dull and unrealistic (if well-written). This is the kind of thing hipsters reblog on their live journals, just in case the rest of the world have not realised what fabulously unique and intelligent individuals they are. The comments at the bottom are worse. Being physically attractive or interested in fashion have nothing to do with intellect or the ability to comprehend James Joyce.

    Reading does not make you any more special than physical beauty does. Get over yourselves. Every hobby and personality trait has its pros and cons. You are not Belle from Beauty and the Beast, nor are you going to be able to develop a healthy, loving relationship while clinging to the Twilight-esque delusion that a man who consciously wrongs you is a hero.

    The non-dairy creamer killed me, though. What a prat.

  142. There no mention that this is a response to the following article which, though I may be wrong, I strongly suspect it is:

    Not necessarily the most well-structured article, but nevertheless quite enjoyable. I wasn’t overly happy with some of the points, I must admit, essentially because you’re writing from the point of view of a girl who reads. I am a girl who reads and I disagree with a fair few points. I’m not too keen on anyone speaking on my behalf, which is why I think you have to be careful when writing articles like this, as you’re not speaking for everyone, and to approach it as such is, in my opinion, wrong. Having said that, I agree very strongly with other points and you definitely managed to make me smile.

  143. Seriously, your style is exactly the same and the point about syntax really got me. If you’re following up from an article, you should mention it because this is entirely his style and his idea.

  144. I fell in love with my ex-wife because we like the same authors (Ayn Rand, Anais Nin, Aleister Crowley, Anton LaVey, etc.) and the same music. I now McJob at Barnes&Noble@GATech (REAL employment for REAL musicians), and I get to hang out with brainy, literate coeds who pay me!

    • Hi, there “hi”….little do you know that I’m the person being written about…I might be a nerd, but I don’t think anyone alive could say I’m ugly.

      (Well, I don’t know if I’m actually the person being written about…but I could be…)

  145. to all of the people that read this and say “well this part was accurate but not this part”: THIS IS NOT MEANT TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY EVERY SINGLE GIRL THAT READS, if you read AT ALL you’ll know it sounds like she writes from a private place, where perhaps, certain things mean something special to her and her alone – take it for what it is, a creative piece of writing that may contain some personal messages…When I write I sometimes include a hidden message to one and only one person. Use your imagination! Why take something personally? or be insulted? in that case, never ever read anything ever again…

    • My thoughts exactly. I had to stop reading the comments because it became infuriatingly clear that the beauty and artistry of this passage has gone right over the heads of most of these people.

  146. This filled me with sadness and hope at the same time. Sadness, because this is what I’ve always been dreaming of – and hope because this made me believe I could actually find a girl like this one day and become a part of her life. I am very, very thankful for this post – it has rekindled a flame of hope in me I thought perhaps would never grow bright and wonderful again, and made me believe in the future. Thank you…!

  147. Date a guy who writes.

    He makes no money, has no future, and probably a drinking problem. You’ll find him in alternate states of delusional self-aggrandizing and psychotic self-doubt. Date a guy who writes. He’s easy.

    • DFC POSTED :Date a guy who writes.

      He makes no money,

      RESPONSE: Mr or Ms. DFC, the advice you give above would be better suited to a personnels page for golddiggers , rather than here .

  148. “If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie.”

    Wait, what? This makes absolutely zero sense.

    Syntax is a set of rules which govern how grammatical sentences are formed. Understanding a language’s grammar does not mean that one understands a word or sentence’s meaning (semantics), or the fact that someone is lying to them, or the impulses that make someone lie.

    • If she understands syntax, she will notice the slightly different syntax in your lies versus your truths and use them to detect which is which. The cue to the lies is rarely in the meanings of the words.

      • What you’re describing is the ability to recognize that a person uses different sentence patterns at different times. This is not an inherent part of syntax.

        My issue with this part of the article is that the author states that understanding grammar equals understanding an individual’s motivations for lying. Even if we accept the (flawed) premise that lies can be detected by recognizing syntactic patterns, this doesn’t mean that a girl who reads will be able to understand her boyfriend’s reasons for lying. A girl who thinks that a love of books means she now has mind-reading powers is delusional and shouldn’t be considered someone worth building a relationship with.

        As a girl who reads, I find this insulting.

  149. I like that my wife’s reading has resulted in my children’s reading. I also believe that her investment in reading has eclipsed her investment in our relationship, and in her physical health.

  150. Thank you for making me smile today. Growing up reading was like a naughty secret. I would try to read books tucked into my desk or late into the night and well past my bedtime. It always made me an oddball. Thank you for the happy spin.

  151. Oh, for Pete’s sake. For any of you who 1) claim to understand Joyce’s Ulysses and also 2) fault this writer for not exPLICitly acknowledging that the character could have both books and clothes: you cannot possibly be one and the same person. You either appreciate both Joyce and this writer or neither.

    • The suggestion that the guy lie to the girl who reads, is inded a fly in the ointment / one area where the initial article did go astray .

      If more people would critique that, INSTEAD of the worthless critiques that seek to disparage romanticizing …and make rinky dink comments calling finery of sensibility a so-called “pretentious” affair, then that would be a worthwhile criticism .

  152. Jas- three things.

    1. I know you realize that the people you are responding to are not of the opinion that conformity is of greater value than originality; they instead propose a variety of interests. I do not think variety is the same as ambiguity, nor is balance the same as relativism. I think you accuse someone who considers balance as virtuous to be selling out, conformist, etc. because an idealist has to be rigid in his thinking in that way. I disagree with this truth [read: opinion]; I think liking both popular and classic art shows you are in fact not a conformist, but original- you like what you like. Since I predict your response to be “there is only one truth, and it’s mine, not yours,” we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this point.

    [I’m certain, however, that you’re educated on the Ciceronian imitation debate; is it really a better idea to read and write in the form of one great model, instead of entertaining a certain amount of eclecticism? I’m guessing your answer would be ‘yes.’]

    2. When exactly did reading and [trendy] fashion become contrarily original and conformist, intelligent and vapid, etc.? What this truth [read: opinion] leads to is, in fact, a paradox. There are only three answers to the question “What should I wear today?”

    – I will wear A, because I like it. – I will wear A, because it’s trendy. I will wear A because it is a statement of my contrariness to trend and an adherence to [my idealism? classiness? virtue? whatever you’d like to insert here].

    If you chose the first but you hold the aforementioned opinion, you will not be able to convince yourself that you chose it for any other reason than its trendiness, and thus you will hang it back up. If you chose the second, you aren’t even lying to yourself about it [good for you] and you hang it back up. If you chose the third, I have this lovely little video for you:

    [It should also be noted that true hipsterism is to be outside the trend, always rejecting mainstream culture and valuing independence and originality over conformity. The fact that it has become a trend is not the true hipster’s fault.]

    3. None of this will make any difference to you because your mind is made up, and therefore one could say that this was a waste of my time. However in verbalizing [-ish] my thoughts on this, it has become even clearer to me that loving a person for their heart, their values and their reciprocal love is much more important than their choice of literature [although if they like what I like, all the better]. I hope that you find someone that fits every single one of your requirements for a partner; I hope to God that s/he in fact even exists, because I know you will not yield on a single point [and why should you? it’s your life] and I would hate for anyone so firm in their convictions to die alone, surrounded by nothing but those timeless classics you hold in such high esteem.

    • Jas- three things.

      DIAMANDA POSTED :1. I know you realize that the people you are responding to are not of the opinion that conformity is of greater value than originality; they instead propose a variety of interests.

      RESPONSE: You mean duplicity/ambivalence…being namby-pamby whitewashed with fancy words like “multifaceted” .

      DIAMANDA POSTED :I do not think variety is the same as ambiguity, nor is balance the same as relativism. I think you accuse someone who considers balance as virtuous to be selling out, conformist, etc. because an idealist has to be rigid in his thinking in that way.

      RESPONSE: They DO have to be rigid . Anything less than that (aka flexibility) is selling out .

      DIAMANDA POSTED :I disagree with this truth [read: opinion]; I think liking both popular and classic art shows you are in fact not a conformist, but original- you like what you like.

      RESPONSE: An important nuance to take note of , is if one likes something *because* it is popular , where the popularity of the given item is a motive for liking it —even if it is one motive among others / a latent , or partial motive, then that, indeed, is conformity / selling out .

      If one likes something solely through an independent appraisal and the popularity of the item is NOT in any way a motive for why one likes it (NOT even latently , not even partially/ NOT even one motive among others) then liking that popular something would not necessarily be conformity .

      It depends on whether one likes it because it is popular , OR, instead , if one likes it *in spite* of it being popular .

      DIAMANDA POSTED : Since I predict your response to be “there is only one truth, and it’s mine, not yours,” we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this point.

      RESPONSE: (1) There is NO “your” , nor “my” , nor “theirs” , nor “our” to intangibles such as Truth . Possessive pronouns / ownership terms do NOT apply to intangibles such as truth , logic, principles and so on . That such ownership terms are sometimes figuratively applied to such terms as “figures” of speech , should NOT mean that one should accept the practice of doing that .

      (2) You should agree . You should agree to agree .

      DIAMANDA POSTED : :[I’m certain, however, that you’re educated on the Ciceronian imitation debate; is it really a better idea to read and write in the form of one great model, instead of entertaining a certain amount of eclecticism? I’m guessing your answer would be ‘yes.’]

      RESPONSE: Unless one is using Cartesian hyperbolic doubt, then yes , it would be totally *wrong* to be what you call ecclectic , IF by the term “ecclectic” there is any incongruous thinking/ ambivalence/ lateral thinking (or any similar goofy thinking) involved .

      DIAMANDA ASKED :2. When exactly did reading and [trendy] fashion become contrarily original and conformist, intelligent and vapid, etc.?

      RESPONSE: From the very onset of fashion trends .

      DIAMANDA POSTED :What this truth [read: opinion] leads to is, in fact, a paradox. There are only three answers to the question “What should I wear today?”

      – I will wear A, because I like it. – I will wear A, because it’s trendy. I will wear A because it is a statement of my contrariness to trend and an adherence to [my idealism? classiness? virtue? whatever you’d like to insert here].

      RESPONSE: (1) There is NO paradox . The very term ‘paradox’ is a misnomer from jump street . Often that term is just used to whitewash incongruous statements , or to refer to statements which seem self-referential , but on closer linguisitc investigation, turns out NOT to be .

      (2). There is a false trichotomy you present , inasmuch , as noted in the earlier paragraph , if one likes a given item or content , due to NON-trend/ NON-popularity related criteria , and it happens incidentally to be popular , then that would not be conformity , if one therefore likes it *in spite of* it being popular , and *NOT* because .

      Let it be noted , though in an era of random conformity , where people intentionally seek to wear clothing to be “in style” , “with it” “popular” , have “streed cred” and so on , it would behoove people to be wary of wearing the sort of designer brand name if it is writ large (as it was with Tommy Hilfigure) , so as to not inadverdantly lend oneself to looking like one is supporting the trend .

      DIAMANDA POSTED : If you chose the third, I have this lovely little video for you:

      RESPONSE: Looking forward to watching that video , to see what it is about .

      • Furthermore, Diamanda, as to the indie scenesters/hipsters . They are seldom original except maybe in a cosmetic sense . They follow specialized trends , trends that are circulated among the indie scene nightclubs and indie afterparties and photo shoots , and so on . They are trendy copycats of their coteries , and part of the perverse mystique of the indie scene hipsters is being insiders on *specialized*/insider clique, small circuit trends of the edgy and dilettantish glitterati. When the trends they like begin being widely circulated among the masses then they hop on to others .

        The indie scensters are saturated in MTV Generation / Nintendo generation phoniness . They are the bourgeous, chatty PSEUDO-bohemians …soulless bright young things in the careless flower of suburban and urban poseur youth , playing dress up : talking fast, living fast, bastardizing the few good types of culture they touch into a postmodern , MTV era parody . The hipsters are among the most mendacious of all conformists .

        They are NOT idealistic . They are NOT avante -garde .Indie scene hipsters epitomize the frivolity and tacky kitsch of postmodernism . Fickle , caught up in the fastness of the mass media driven era .

        In contrast to the baloney-phony , rinky-dink legacy of the indie scene hipsters , consider that the late 19th Century / and early 20th century flaneurs / aesthetes had , in the main, a more promising counterculture . They truly sought the ethereal/ finery in feeling , NOT the insipid psychobabble kitsch of the MTV era hipsters .

  153. Eh, this is me nitpicking: Some other users have pointed out things that I too do not like. But it’s the first paragraph that makes me cringe.

    “Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes.”
    I probably have enough shoes, clothes and bags to make everyone on the Seychelles islands look like fabulous literati.

    “She has problems with closet space because she has too many books.”
    Bookshelves , dressers and wardrobes fit nicely together. I have roughly 100 sq ft of Ikea Pax, Malm and Billys.

    Date a girl who… who has had a library card since she was twelve.”
    Does the school library card count?

    The lying and the failing I can do without, as well as the hot air balloon proposal. (See, Varkala.) But this is what I can appreciate all day, any day:
    “Buy her another cup of coffee.” I would add, “…chai tea latte or peppermint mocha.” Whatever.

    Thanks for the discussion piece!

  154. I’m not sure if this counters the other side sufficiently! From “You Should Date An Illiterate Girl”:

    Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.


    • That post by Charles Warnke is the ORIGINAL one by which this post everyone now hails as “the most amazing thing on the Internet” was based. Do yourself a favor and do not take his article literally. You just might see it’s breathtaking beauty. Leagues better than this crappy imitation at least.

  155. Jas,

    For someone who appreciates nuance, you seem to like to attribute your own synonyms to words. By multifaceted, I mean the direct, dictionary definition of “having many aspects, abilities, interests, etc.” Duplicity is equivalent to hypocrisy, and ambivalence means uncertainty and fluctuation. You cannot use synonyms for words that are not true synonyms, and you cannot tell me what I mean when I use certain words in relation to what YOU want them to mean.

    You admit yourself that someone can be multifaceted without being conformist. I quote: “If one likes something solely through an independent appraisal and the popularity of the item is NOT in any way a motive… then liking that popular something would not necessarily be conformity .” You seem to judge those who have voiced their opinion of being interested in fashion or other art AS WELL AS literature to be conformist without knowing them. This, in my opinion, gives you the image of being an asshole, which you may not be.

    “From the very onset of fashion trends.” You seem to be reaching here. Could you be more specific? I didn’t ask when trendy fashion became what [you believe] it is, I asked when literature became the polar opposite of it, and therefore the enjoyment of both meant the interested person was some sort of idiot. I know that literature has commented on society and its materialism for ages, but that hearkens more to what you have mentioned about conformity, not fashion itself. It’s a false generalization.

    I realize that Truth does not belong to any one person; however, I am of the belief that people can be wrong about things, and I do not agree with the Truth that you seem to assert in your posts, i.e. people who have a variety of interests are automatically selling out. This is why I label it “yours,” much like I’d label a pet “yours” if it lived with you, though you can’t physically possess another living thing. I disagree with your hastiness to judge others in this way, and you’ll just have to deal with the fact that you are the only person on this entire blog that knows [read: believes] [your] Truth. I’m sure that this thought doesn’t cause you to lose any sleep, at any rate.

    My trichotomy is not false, though I suppose I could add “and it’s trendy” to the first option. Something is either trendy or it isn’t. If you wear something because you like it and it’s trendy and you are an idealist, saying “because I like it” won’t be enough. You will be too concerned that a modicum of influence has filtered in from conformist society. If you disagree with this, then you are a hypocrite of every person you’ve judged who likes both literature and certain fashionable items. If the item is not trendy, then choosing it means you are of the third option.

    Your description of hipster is once again a false generalization. I was referring to the true meaning of the word “hipster,” not the people who follow hipster trends, who are, by definition, NOT hipster. I think that you would be the closest I’ve ever seen to someone who properly fits the definition of hipster, because you purposely rail against contemporary interests.

    The one truth that is perfectly evident to me, is that this world is made up of many different people. There is no reason you should entertain their opinions and no reason you shouldn’t tell them why [you think] they are wrong. However, the result of being so unyielding may mean that most people perceive you to be a judgmental asshole. The short of it is that I disagree with your judgment, and the fact that you’re right and I’m wrong according to [your] Truth means nothing, because in the end I will find someone for me and you will [God willing] find someone for you, someone you haven’t hurt with your words and rigidity, and that will be that. Good luck.

    If you are only this way because you are online and you can hide behind your computer, and act differently in live social interactions, then it really makes no difference, I suppose.


      For someone who appreciates nuance, you seem to like to attribute your own synonyms to words. By multifaceted, I mean the direct, dictionary definition of “having many aspects, abilities, interests, etc.

      RESPONSE: I was referring to how that term has been popularly misused, bandied about falsely by those who misuse the term as a euphemism for ambivalent / duplicitous thinking . A euphemistic way of whitewashing selling out either in thought or in action (or both thought and action ) . Hence, I often enclose the term ‘multifacted’ in double , sardonic , sneer quotes as “multifaceted” to show the variance between the proper lexical meaning , and the quite different way that the word is popularly bandied about as some sort of euphemism .

      If all goes well, I hope, ma’am, to have follow up questions and rebuttals for many of the other statements you have presented later today or perhaps this present evening .

  156. Guys. Simple date a girl that will make a sandwich and I’d rather date a girl that is a gamer.

    So while u read this switch the word book with a game/r.

  157. I am a girl who writes and a girl who reads, that makes me extra special, extra eccentric, and extra interesting. Oh and I am glad my husband knows it.

  158. I dont think there is anything to be enthusiastic about in this description. First of all, there is some annoying presupposition that a girl who reads is such a rare exemplar… A girl who buys books and not clothes… isnt the opposite case a quite old clichè? Second and most important, what is depicted here is a self-centered creature: if I have a date, and keep on reading my book when the guys arrives, well, either he is boring or I am impolite, or both. And I wont even comment about “Lie to her” and “Fail her”…

    • First, a girl who loves to read instead of indulging in all the distractions of today’s world *is* unusual and to be admired. Of course, the kind of books she reads is important also. (ex. Twilight Series as opposed to the great classics (not to be dissing Twilight, but you get my drift))

      As for the other, I don’t think the author intended to present a picture of a “self-centered creature”, but rather one of a girl who values books so highly that she is willing and even insistent to put aside her own personal pleasures in order to read.

      And to all you anti-Twilight readers who have already commented, the fact that it’s rather badly written does not keep it from being enjoyable. The Inheritance series was not too well written, but that did not keep me from enjoying it immensely. Now, the little I read of Twilight I did *not* enjoy, but that is just my personal preference.

      Some people even say that the very fact that it is about vampires makes it unfit for reading, but they seem to forget works like Dracula that (despite the horrible fact that it has a vampire in it) are and will continue to be iconic works of American literature (even though it was written by an Irishman).

    • Gabriella ,

      If you had only disparaged the last line in the article about ‘lie to her’ and ‘fail her’, then you would have had a cogent critique , instead of the rubbish you typed .

  159. What about us girls looking for a guy? – I want to date a guy who reads more than the Jockey waistband on his underwear as he removes them! Or the caliber of the bullet he’s putting in his gun so he can hunt some poor defenseless creature. Or the calorie count on the beer can he’s guzzling! Or the measurements of the centerfold as he looks at pictures!

  160. I read plenty. I was the girl in algebra class reading The Scarlet Letter under her desk when she was in 8th grade. I am now also the girl who now owns dozens of shoes and loves fashion. Can a girl not love/spend her money on both? After all, a real woman takes care of all aspects of her person.

  161. I like the one on Thought Catalog better, but this is still beautiful, even though they say the exact opposite things.

  162. “Let her know that you understand that words are love…..Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero.

    Loved these lines!!

    • Actually, Ms.Yousuf, those lines were the wrong portion of an article that was otherwise good in the other paragraphs .

      And ambivalent thinking is NOT the same as nuance . It is high time people acknowledged that .

  163. Even though I would like a woman like the one in the story, chances are she’s not very attractive physically. My mind has been fucking warped by endless sex in media and years of working on hardcore pornography, and I could only date a woman I find very attractive

    • Quite to the contrary , Mr.Durrett. Ethereal girls ,who have a wise countenance, are always FAR better looking than bimbos and skanks !

  164. “Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
    Condescending nihilists with borderline alcoholism and self esteem problems are not my thing.😉 I’d rather date some bimbo with a REAL JOB.

    • Nemo, a twit such as yourself should NOT even try to bother thinking about such esoteric matters . The reference to “self-esteem problems” you make shows that you have allowed yourself to be brainwashed by the four-flushing , glib, trite propaganda of the self-help movement, pop psychology . Please run along now . Go find your prosaic woman with a “real job”, go sip your latte with her , and refrain from internet posts declaring wrong opinions , please .

  165. Absolutely loved it Rosemarie. I’m a reader and it had me smiling through out. Thanks for putting in words something we readers have felt for so long🙂


  166. Jas,
    I’ve dated an author. Would not be my first choice. The thing that drives someone to write is often their demons. Psych and poli sci majors are also generally a mess as well. Prosaic is better than neurotically broken.

    If you want someone interesting date a history major. They are hot.

    • Nemo ,

      You stated the following, “Prosaic is better than neurotically broken.”

      RESPONSE: On what grounds do you affirm it is better ?

      You went on to state , “If you want someone interesting date a history major. They are hot.”

      RESPONSE: What is so great about hot ?

      Furthermore, you posted, ‘the thing that drives someone to write is often their demons’ .

      RESPONSE: Do you claim that when Italo Calvino wrote Invisible Cities that he was doing to wrestle with inner demons .

  167. Ha I know I was not the only one laughing slightly because you know that you do this! Or casually looking to the purse under the desk with the words peaking up at you begging you to un-pause a new adventure.

  168. how very true.
    you bet the next one is going to be the one from the coffee shop😛
    from a bibliophile…

  169. I agree with the woman who said she felt parts of this seemed a bit presumptous to her. People are complex and can have multiple interests, including reading as one of them, but not the only activity in their lives that makes them interesting or “worthy of dating”. O have a problem with some possible undertones here as well, ones such as an assumption that finding a girl who really enjoys reading is such a rare and unique find, as well as the implication with it that most girls might prefer to shop than to read. This hints at some sort of perhaps unintentional put ;0down of women in general in subtle ways. And also, it is still in some ways categorizing women as mere objectss if desire, even if they are amazingly smart. It’s kind of just the style of the writing that is a little unsettling, seems a little sexist, even without intending to be. But what would i know, I’m just a woman who has dyslexia and probably too many clothes in my closet…. most of them are cozy pajamas that I enjoy curling up and reading (slowly) in though.

  170. Can we all agree to call female adults ‘women’? ‘Girl’ refers to a child. Is this article about dating children or teenagers? If not, please use the more accurate term. You’re contributing to the problem of people seeing adult females as those to be controlled, chided, infantilized, talked down to… as those who do not know what’s best for themselves, as those who need rules and discipline, as those who are not yet fully developed in some way.

    • Seriously! Calling women girls is adding to the sexism in society? You are surely jesting. I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t think children are different to adults, both need rules, both need discipline. It is simply the amount that varies. Does my partner calling me a boy subjegate me?

    • Women are allowed to also be girls. Being a woman, as far as I’ve seen, from the best women that I’ve known, does NOT mean that they have to leave their identity as a girl behind them. Instead, these women, these best women that I’ve known, have incorporated it, embraced their identity as both a girl and a woman, and have embraced their other identities too: woman and girl; mother, sister, daughter, lover, friend; leader and supporter; and so on. These amazing women play different roles in different situations, displaying different aspects of who they are, but as a complete whole. And, sometimes, that means that a woman is a girl.

  171. This spoke to me very strongly. So much so that it motivated me to write a response:

    Date a man who dreams.

    Date a man who doesn’t spend his money on drink, or clothes, or video games, but saves what he has to go on adventures and pursue his dreams. He might have problems dealing with everyday things but no-one sees the possibilities life holds like he does. This is a man who is ready for anything, who will drop everything on a moment’s notice to run away and get lost somewhere with you or show up unannounced to whisk you away on some crazy adventure. Date a man who sees the world in millions of colours, who has his head in the clouds and his feet on the ground.

    Read more…

    • i just hit tag with repost and don’t know what I did? I was hoping it would let me repost your blog with my readers. I hope it didn’t do anything negative. I’m sorry if it did. The help section isn’t working for me today.

  172. I speak from experience when I say this, so girls, listen up.

    No this is not the most important thing.

    The most important thing about a girl is her vision. Date a girl who does not let past experiences poison the thought of being happy together with a guy. Date a girl who does not reject a guy simply because he has been a friend for so long and cannot overcome the awkwardness of being with the close friend nice guy who would otherwise act perfectly in every way to make the girl happy. Date a girl who is not blinded by friendship that cripples her ability to see the bright and enjoyable future with the nice guy stuck in the friend zone.

    Girls too often make harsh, irreversible judgments on how guys act to initially attract and hook up with the girl and fail to focus on how the guy would act to stay with the girl. That’s why there are far too many couple who hook up because of being attracted to surface impressions and personalities, but fail to realize the utter incompatibility between them, resulting in a harsh break up. Or worse, a girl may be pressured to stay together with a guy when she would have been much happier with someone else.

    Girls, think about the man who you would impulsively shove away in the friendzone who understands you the most – the man who is the easiest to approach and treats you with unparalleled thoughtfulness and care. Are these not the qualities that every girls claims she looks for – kindness, compassion, consideration and affection? Why then, is he in the friendzone after fully considering the possible joyous future with him? How influenced are you by your past biases and naive emotions to give you that “uncomfortable” feel with a guy who would otherwise, be technically perfect for you? This “uncomfortable” feel is completely unreasonable, though natural, and girls should take an effort to overcome this because 10 years down the road, simple impulsive “feel”s aren’t going to determine your happiness, but a deep connection and understanding between a couple will.

    This villainous bias that brings a sense of unexplainable discomfort can hurt you and in many ways. Think about this. If one guy tells a joke and you don’t laugh and in a parallel universe, another guy tells the same joke and you laugh, you would be biased. Why? Who knows, but don’t let it blind you from seeing what’s really important.

    Sure, a lot of you are going to say “you don’t have to be so technical with love!”, which is true – there are some unexplainable, intangible things about love that just make it magical. But don’t been brainwashed by this feeling, you need to balance it with reason and foresight. Remember that those who are reluctant to be technical and rational and succumb to the “unexplainable pull” of love are the